


The Happy Days of Youth

by Candid-Canoe (justturnleft37)



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Awkward Almost-Smut, Big Time Bang 2012, Crack!ficish, Lots of Vomit, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:32:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justturnleft37/pseuds/Candid-Canoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan finally wins the prank war, big time.  MPREG.  Kogan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Happy Days of Youth

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't as crackish as I'd intended. There's a teensy bit of angst. Not even worth mentioning probably. 
> 
> The lovely art was done by dirtywerk. Isn't it pretty?
> 
> This was written for the Big Time Bang on LJ. You can read all the other offerings at bigtimebang.livejournal.com

 

 

 

The flickering fluorescent bulbs seem to suck all the juice from Logan's eyes as he fights panic. The walls are white and so is the floor, his two friends seated across from him offering the only color to the open area. And, really, couldn't a hospital afford to be a little bit more cheery? It's bad enough, the sitting, the waiting, the thinking. Why suck everything out of the equation that isn't black, white or gray?

Kendall has been in the emergency room somewhere in the unknown depths for the last four hours.

The whole situation is ridiculous and was embarrassing as hell to explain. Carlos had snickered when Logan blushed, despite the seemingly dire situation their best friend had been put in.

"Prank war?" the doctor had questioned, Logan admiring the shiny name badge on his coat. Well, maybe not so much admiring as avoiding the older man's gaze. When Logan finally rallied the courage to meet the doctor's stare, he had been surprised to find a twinkle of amusement underneath the strong disapproval.

How does a young man of seventeen explain to a professional who saves lives he used his own semen to apply slop and/or stink to Kendall in order to win a competition dreamed up when they were children?

"There wasn't anything else!" Logan had explained for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Time was running out and I was  _so close_ to winning."

"What I don't understand," James starts, pulling Logan from his musings, "is how you were able to..." James makes a crude gesture with his hand, "in the final moments of a prank war."

"Yeah!" Carlos chimes. "Lord Prankerton's never done it for me like that." Logan glares at Carlos across the ER waiting room. "But pranking is exciting!" he amends quickly after seeing Logan's expression.

"I've been doing some experimenting," Logan huffs. The other two guy's eyes widen. "Not  _that_ kind of experimenting." He shakes his head, runs a hand through his hair. "I had it already. You know..." Carlos and James obviously don't know and continue to stare at him expectantly. "Preserved."

James laughs. "Is little Logie trying to make super sperm?" Carlos joins in on the laughs, giggling like a preteen girl.

Logan's face flames a manly shade of vermillion. Since when should he have to defend his genius? "Maybe I am! And maybe I'll be the one laughing when I'm man of the year on the cover of  _Science Now!_ magazine."

"Wait, wait, wait," James starts, both hands in the air as he turns to shush Carlos, "they put actual people on the cover of those magazines?" Logan nods and James unconsciously begins smoothing down his hair.

"No offense, dude, but I don't think you're sm- emufffugifyurf." Logan keeps trying to insult James even as Carlos rises and slaps a hand over his mouth, an indignant index finger jabbing the air. Does James really think he needs to grace the cover of  _every_ magazine by the time he's twenty-five?

"Could you two stop for a minute?" Carlos asks, gesturing with his head to the double doors Mrs. Knight and Katie have just entered through. "Remember we're here because Kendall is  _hurt_?"

They all stand and go quiet, turn towards Mrs. Knight awaiting news. She is completely still, arms crossed over her chest, stern 'Mom' face trying to mask any emotion that isn't disappointment. Logan has seen the face enough times to decipher the woman's tells. He sighs when he reads underneath the anger and realizes Kendall will be fine.

"You boys are going to be adults soon," Mrs. Knight begins, the shuddering breath she takes revealing the true tempest brewing underneath. Of course, she's furious. Her offspring had been  _compromised._ "This pranking was cute when you were nine. Whoopie cushions and shaving cream and toilet paper."

Turning to Logan, her expression goes even harder, if that were a possible thing. Logan shrivels under her gaze, looking at his feet quickly, wondering how long it'll be before he can look anyone in the eye again. "And you, Logan, you know better." Yes, Logan knows he knows better. But years of juvenile development research conclude rebellion is expected and entirely normal in homosapien youths, more so in the male gender. What could she expect?

"I-I was just…" Logan starts, all his excuses and reasoning seeming just plain dumb under Mrs. Knight's reproachful gaze. He thinks back to the last moments before Kendall got hurt, Logan hiding underneath the table, his most recent experiments splayed on top. He remembers the desperation he felt, the need to impress, the need, for once, to  _win_ something Kendall had always monopolized in the past. And really, the sperm was the safest thing to throw. The least corrosive. It wouldn't burn or maim, and honestly, the pure protein would be good for Kendall's skin and hair. Logan was helping Kendall, truly. He'd seen Kendall's split ends.

"Logan!" Mrs. Knight shouts, knowing Logan is trying with all his intellect to come up with an excuse that isn't immature and silly. "You ruined your research, too, didn't you? Months of work. For what? A paper crown?"

"Dude, what you did was  _so sick,_ " Katie interjects.

"Hush, Katie!" Mrs. Knight orders, Logan's face growing hotter when he realizes  _everyone_ knows.

Logan recalls with perfect clarity the sound of the door slamming, the  _click_ of the pump action water gun (filled with rotten milk, no doubt) as Kendall called for him in a singsong voice. "Logie? Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Kendall's quiet steps approached the table Logan hid under, and with stealth the shorter boy didn't know he had, he reached out and tied Kendall's shoelaces together.

Logan was proud his hands only shook a tiny amount.

"I just wanted to win something besides a science fair," Logan says, defeated and feeling three feet tall. He meets Mrs. Knight's eyes because the hole they're burning in his head is starting to itch. "I'm sorry."

He had thrown the container of (relatively) fresh jism just as Kendall took a step, the fluid running down his face, covering his chest, his stomach. It was then Kendall toppled onto Logan's meticulously set-up lab experiments, countless beakers, flasks and miscellaneous glassware shattering. In an instant, there was blood everywhere.  _Everywhere._ Then Logan did what he did best. Freaked the fuck out.

Mrs. Knight sighs, rubbing her face as the anger deflates. "I know you're sorry, and I know you'd never hurt Kendall on purpose. Just  _use_ that brain of yours more appropriately, okay?" She pauses to shake her head. "Let's go home."

"What about Kendall?" Carlos prompts, eyes darting between Mrs. Knight and the doors she came through.

"Kendall is fine, despite you all being grounded for two months."

"Two months! That's not fair!" James whines. "It was Logan who hurt Kendall!"

"Yeah, thanks to this prank war all of you participated in." Mrs. Knight's tone leaves no room for argument. Neither does the furrow of her brow which reminds Logan of the many Klingons he's seen on  _Star Trek._ He's not dumb enough to argue. James on the other hand…

"But, Mama Knight-"

"One more complaint and I'm breaking all your mirrors and hiding the lucky comb." The fear on James' face is abrupt enough to be comical.

"What about Kendall?" Logan urges, eager to hear about the other boy's condition. "Why isn't he coming home tonight?"

"Most of the cuts were superficial, but one big, nasty piece of glass went pretty deep into his stomach. They had to clean it out, sew him up, and give him a unit of blood. I think the doctors just want to keep an eye on him overnight. But he's fine, just tired and sore."

"Can't we go see him?" Carlos asks.

"He's asleep now. And you all need a night to think about growing up. Come on, and no talking on the way home."

The ride home is silent, as intended.

Logan's mind goes wild as he tries to sleep. Thinking of Kendall, all alone at the hospital, bled out, makes his stomach roil in an all new way. His friend's injuries have never been his fault. It's always Carlos or Kendall or even James who causes bodily harm, and it's usually Logan on the receiving end. A broken wrist from sliding off a plastic wrapped toilet seat when they were eleven. A sprained ankle from a hockey charge when they were thirteen. Twelve stitches in the chin from falling (see also: wrestled) from a tree at fourteen. Never something as serious as an overnight hospital stay.

Feeling ridiculous again, Logan blushes in the dark of his shared room with Kendall. Why had winning been so important? Why was impressing his friends still the cornerstone of his existence? There has always been this constant need to be the best, to  _win._ But winning got him here now, a lonesome room with no Kendall to babble at until falling asleep mid-sentence. Maybe Logan can't win at hockey or pranking, but he decides at this moment he's going to win at life. He's smart, damn it, smarter than the others. Even he is not too modest to admit that to himself. Being entirely honest, Logan knows he's never been modest when it came to his brains. It's the one area that's his, shared by none of the others. Sure, Kendall is smart, cunning, quick on his feet. But Logan, Logan is a fucking genius.

Mrs. Knight wants him to start growing up? He's going to start right away, first thing in the morning. And being grown-up is something he's going to win at; Logan is determined.

~oOo~

The mess is disgusting and gross, disgustingly gross even. There are dried body fluids on the floor, wall and smattered on the swirly slide.

"Not swirly!" Carlos moans, petting the clean side of the bright yellow plastic. "Get the bleach, Logan."

Logan, being newly grown-up, doesn't roll his eyes, but approaches the slide with a bucket and sponge, begins cleaning his mess while Carlos and James "supervise". He scrubs, mops and sweeps amongst comments from the other boys: "Ooh, right there", "You missed a spot!", "Can't you get that a bit cleaner?" Seeing as how grown-ups bite their tongues and only complain to their best friends and mothers (two-thirds of his best friends being the ones to complain about), Logan keeps his mouth shut and cleans until everything shines like the many lakes of Minnesota.

He takes inventory as he goes, disheartened when he realizes there is nothing left of his research. Some of his samples were irreplaceable.

Mrs. Knight emerges from her room, a small smile on her face when she sees the mess gone. The expression is only present for a moment before she speaks. "I want you boys to give me that crown."

"No, we can't, Mrs. Knight," Carlos doesn't hesitate to protest. "Logan hasn't had his coronation yet, and—"

"I don't want it," Logan deadpans, face completely serious. His mind wanders and he thinks about purchasing a pipe and ascot to make himself more adult-ish. Crown-schmown. There's not even a little itty-bit of him wanting that silly thing, he's sure.

"How can you say that, Logan?" Carlos shouts, grabbing his friend by the shoulders and shaking him. "You've wanted it since forever! Since we were kids!"

"Yeah, but we're  _not_ kids anymore," Logan snaps, his voice harder than he'd intended. Carlos wilts and waves at James who goes to get the crown. Logan can tell James is reluctant, coming back from Carlos and his room with the crown placed over his closed fist, but Logan is certain he isn't about to risk any more beauty products.

Without warning, James runs to Logan, places the crown on the shorter boy's head and shouts, "By the power vested in me by Lord Prankerton I hereby crown you Sir Lord High King of the Pranks  _sohelpmeLordPrankerton!_ " Then it's over before Logan can even comprehend the silly pride he felt, and James snatches the crown off Logan's head, handing it to Mrs. Knight with a guilty expression. Maybe Logan feels a little bad for ever thinking mean things about James; James is not dumb. His focus is maybe just a little misplaced.

"James…" she starts, shaking her head.

"He's always wanted it, Mama Knight. You can break Lucky if you have to, but—"

"It's fine. That's the last one though, boys. The last time you do this." With that statement, Mrs. Knight forces the crown in the garbage disposal, and Logan won't admit to anyone how sad it makes him, how he feels another piece of himself severed from his childhood. The other boys wince, and Logan thinks they already know how he feels.

Too bad Kendall isn't here to see Logan crowned.

Logan shakes his head; it's a silly, childish want to have. Mrs. Knight looks at him for a long moment, as though she knows what he's feeling, and for that moment, she seems almost regretful, guilty. She straightens and turns off the disposal.

"Who's coming with me to get Kendall?" All three boys raise their hands. "Katie!' she shouts. "We're leaving in five minutes!"

~oOo~

"Are you sure you're comfortable?" Logan requests for the millionth time. Kendall rolls his eyes and leans forward as Logan fluffs his pillow.

"I told you, I'm fine." He appreciates Logan's concern, he honestly does, but this hovering is getting annoying. His friend's spastic nature has always been a source of amusement for him, but  _damn_ if he doesn't make a frustrating nursemaid. This kind of attention might be necessary if Kendall was missing an arm or leg, but Logan tried to follow him into the bathroom. The  _bathroom,_ by the Power of Grayskull. Kendall hasn't needed help wiping his ass since he was three, thank you very much.

"Geez, Kendall, I'm so sorry about this. I don't know what I was—"

"I already told you, I don't blame you, Logan." Kendall throws his hands in the air and leans back, groaning a bit at the pain in his lower abdomen.

"Ah, damn it, see? You're hurting. Do you need another pill?" Logan picks up the bottle on Kendall's bedside and shakes it.

"No, no, no. It's all good. Plus, I'm going to have some wicked scars. Scars are cool, right? Lucky you didn't do this to James.  _He_ never would've forgiven you." Kendall laughs at the thought of James, lying in bed, gazing at himself in a handheld mirror and openly weeping. It would be unbearable. The laughter makes the pain flare again. "Okay, hit me with a happy pill."

Logan smiles when Kendall accepts the offered medication, obviously happy he can be of some sort of use. Kendall knows this whole thing has Logan feeling just so  _helpless._ Sure, he knows a bunch of bullshit medical info, but he's never known what it's like to hurt someone close to him. Kendall remembers that guilt, which is why he accepts Logan's mothering without much protest.

"So has anyone told Gustavo about what happened?" Kendall asks after taking a long drink of water to chase down the pill. Logan visibly winces.

"Yeah, your mom made me tell him myself. It was...unpleasant. He still wants all of us in the studio in three days to work on recording. No choreography, thank goodness. We don't have shows lined up for awhile so everything's okay, as far as that goes."

"You're braver than I am, man." Kendall settles in, anticipating the warm, dizzy sensation the pain killer is sure to bring.

"Brave? She stood over me for almost twenty minutes demanding I call while I begged the whole time for her to do it," Logan replies.

"That sounds more like the Logie we all know and love," Kendall drawls. Logan flinches at the comment, and Kendall tries to reword his statement. "I didn't mean it like it came out, Logan. Don't pay attention to me. I'm all kinds of fucked up, seven sheets to the wind."

"No, you're right. After all this, I've kind of resolved to be more grown up, so I failed at it that time. Although the Logan from a week ago would've probably refused to call Gustavo outright."

"Grown up? But why?" Kendall asks. "Speaking of, we need to have your coronation soon. Your first, Logie, you must be so-"

"Your mom destroyed the crown. No more pranks," Logan interrupts, shaking his head.

"This is ridiculous. We're seventeen! All this maturity crap is dumb," Kendall spits, mouth downturned in a sour expression. They spent, like, a week of summer vacation making that crown between third and fourth grade. Carlos had even accidentally (see also: Kendall is sneaky) had his finger glued to his nose. Where is all this stupid maturity talk coming from? Because he got hurt? The four friends getting injured is nothing new; in fact, it has become expected.

"You'll be eighteen in a few months, Kendall. Your mom is right. We need to stop acting like kids." Kendall turns sad in an instant. He doesn't know if it's that what Logan says might be right or if it's that his friend might grow up and grow away from him.

Kendall decides it's fucktarded to worry about either thing right now. Besides, the pill is kicking his ass, so he just closes his eyes, fake snoring until he hears Logan leave.

~oOo~

Almost six weeks pass, the four boy's boredom growing to huge proportions. Being grounded sucks almost as hard as eight straight hours of harmonies. Which, speaking of, they had to do on numerous occasions. When Mrs. Knight says grounded, she means completely  _grounded._ They haven't been allowed to swim or skate, and Carlos got the stink eye and a swipe to the back of his head when he broke out a hacky sack.

Kendall is fully healed, and he couldn't be more grateful. He had never been so relieved as when the doctor removed the stitches. Logan cleaning his wound had been awkward, but the guy had insisted. Kendall never imagined Logan that close to his crotch. And, come on, Kendall is a teenage boy. It's impossible for him not to feel a bit squirmy when there's hot breath and a warm face inches from his dude parts. Talk about plain uncomfortable.

After the full two months are behind them, a span of time marked by nothing but bitching and moaning, the boys are finally free. Of course, the first place they visit is the Palm Woods pool. Kendall hopes to see Lucy. He won't admit it to any of the other boys, but he's still lamenting Jo's absence. And, truth be told, although Logan's hovering had been annoying at first, it almost felt like he had a girlfriend again: someone focused completely on him, concerned for his comfort. Now that Kendall is better Logan has backed off, though he still unquestioningly fetches things for Kendall when the proper pained expression crosses the blond's face.

So, Kendall has resolved to ask Lucy on a real date. They've gone back and forth, and he  _knows_ she likes him and it's silly to keep putting it off. Right? Right.

They've all had breakfast and separated into their respective rooms to get ready for the pool. Logan is grilling Kendall about sunscreen and spouting the importance of  _just the right amount of SPF_ when there's this rumbling both boys hear.

"Was that your stomach?" Logan asks, cocking his head to the side and eyeing Kendall's midsection as though he's expecting Kendall to split in two, give birth to an alien or try to eat Logan's face.

"Uh, yeah," Kendall laughs and shrugs. He's not hungry. Quite the opposite actually. His stomach rumbles again and, before he can make it to the toilet, he pukes his guts out in the garbage next to his bed.

There's a cool hand on his back before he hurls the second time, Logan's concern radiating through the touch. It doesn't help the projectile vomit to lessen though, and Kendall is pretty sure he heaves hard enough to expel his knee caps.

"Oh god, Kendall, do you need your mom? That's…not normal. Holy crap, gross." Logan moves back a bit as more (where can it all come from?) liquid comes from Kendall, the thinning bile spattering on Logan's bare legs.

Kendall stops and takes a few deep breaths. He feels better. Much better. But then again, he hadn't felt bad in the first place really. "No, I'm over it, I think." He stands straight again, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Logan darts into the bathroom and Kendall hears running water. When he comes back out he hands a wet washcloth to Kendall.

"Here," he says, "put that on the back of your neck." He gives Kendall a reassuring smile, and, really, Logan will be a great doctor if for nothing else but his bedside manner. Kendall has this crazy wave of emotion pour over him at the thought. He feels a stinging in his eyes, but not from the waste basket full of sick, and  _dammit_ what is wrong with him?

Kendall swallows, pushing down his stupid feelings about an abandonment that hasn't even happened yet.

Yet.

And then he asks Logan to go on down to the pool and that he'll catch up because Kendall just  _really_ needs to cry right now. It's irrational and weird and Kendall goes to the bathroom and splashes some water on his face, pretending the water is all from the faucet and not from the wussy tears streaming down his face.

He does get really emotional when he's sick. This must've been coming on. Just the other day, he noticed how the top of Katie's head is almost level with his chest. It seems like a few months ago she was barely at his waist, and now she's all grown up. The thought just made Kendall hurt deep down inside because everyone is moving up and away and he's just himself, just  _Kendall_ and he never ever changes. And now he's feeling sick again, so he cups his hands under the flow of water and takes a few tentative sips.

Looking into the mirror, he straightens his hair and mutters, "Buck the fuck up, Knight." He cleans up his mess, grabs his things for the pool and makes his way downstairs.

Logan is already settled in a lounge chair, reading whatever new brainy book Logan reads, and Carlos and James are making too much noise in the pool. He's buoyed immediately by his boisterous friends, slips off his shirt and discards it poolside. Sliding into the water, he notices Lucy sitting on the far side, her feet in the water and notebook in her hands.

Lucy doesn't notice Kendall sidle up to her, headphones firmly over her ears, and he slaps her leg, not harshly. She jumps and looks up at him. The smile she gives him is warm and genuine.

He decides just to go for it.

"What's up?" Kendall gives—what he thinks is—his most charming smile.

"Oh, not much. Just, you know, writing." She holds up the notebook and shrugs. "I see you're feeling better. And no longer grounded."

"I'm glad you mentioned the 'no longer grounded'." Smooth, Knight. Real Smooth. "I was wondering if you might want to hang out later. Catch a movie or something."

She seems to ponder this for a moment, and Kendall half expects another bullshit excuse about a previous "bad relationship", but Lucy nods, albeit tentatively.

"So, would this be, like, a date?" she asks, trying to hamper a smile. Kendall resists the urge to throw his hands up in triumph, to  _woohoo_ loud enough for the entire palm woods to hear. He keeps it cool and nods.

"Cool," Lucy says. Kendall doesn't miss the way she looks him up and down, and he wonders if she's thinking about how badass his scars look.

"What?" he asks, noticing her eyebrows pull together.

"What's with your nipples?" She points to Kendall's chest and he resists the urge to cover himself up. He looks down.

"What about them?" They seem totally normal to him. There are two of them, and they're hard from being in the water and the nerves and junk, but beyond that he doesn't know what she's talking about.

"They just look really dark and a little puffy."

Kendall laughs and scrutinizes his nipples further. He's with his nipples every day, so why should he notice a difference? "Since when do you pay so much attention to my chest?"

Lucy blushes, actually blushes, and Kendall smirks when he realizes she's been staring before. Of course, he knew she'd been staring before, but now she knows that he knows she's been staring.

"Hey," she retaliates, "I'm just being a concerned friend. I thought maybe the guys had given you the old purple nurple. I know they've been bored." She gestures with her head, nodding towards the guys, their horseplay equivalent to that of a wild animal recently liberated.

"No purple nurples recently," he replies, squinting as a bemused expression crosses his face. There haven't been any purple nurples in months, if not more than a year, if Kendall remembers Kendall correctly. Not since James gave them all a speech on the "beauty of the nipple" and how they are to be revered and kept immaculate as other private parts. So no messing with nipples since a person never knows in California when they might wind up shirtless. He looks down at his chest again, gives his nipple a little poke. It kind of hurts.

That's new.

~oOo~

His date with Lucy doesn't go over very well. She wants to talk about music and that's it. Kendall loves music and all, truly, but he'd rather be talking to Logan about anything, even logarithms. Kendall is relieved when, at the end of the night, Lucy accentuates the word "friend" when referring to the two of them.

Kendall throws up again the next day, and the day after that. He starts taking naps in the afternoon. Then he throws up after that. He feels drained and disgusting and he hates everyone.

Except for Logan. He's pretty sure he grows a little fonder of Logan every day; if that were even possible. Kendall thinks of that very thing with his head over the toilet bowl—of how much he likes Logan—as he's pondering his life with each subsequent flush. He likes him more and more every day, except for yesterday. Logan was  _really_ fucking frustrating yesterday.

"You need to go see a doctor," Logan pointed out for the umpteenth time. Kendall had heard it from everyone and his patience was thinner than the chicken broth Logan tried to shove down his throat.

"There's nothing to be done about a stomach bug." Kendall opened his mouth to Logan in acquiescence, and the other guy spooned in some soup. Logan's eyebrows pulled together, a pinched look of concern, and Kendall felt like snapping.

"What the fuck are you grimacing over?" Kendall asked. Logan's expression only got tighter.

"Would you please not bite my head off? I'm just concerned, okay?" Kendall felt guilty immediately. Although he'd been having spurts of emotion, they generally changed as quickly as they came on.

"Sorry," Kendall apologized, and he had the decency to look abashed.

"Stomach bugs generally run their course in about twenty-four hours. This has been going on close to two weeks. Promise to at least  _think_ about seeing a doctor? What's it going to hurt anyway?"

Kendall just nodded at him and opened his mouth for more soup. The truth is, Kendall hates doctors. Doctors give bad news, bad news, bad news. Logan wants to be one, and Kendall is sort of glad about that, because there'll be a doctor he won't hate. Of course, Logan might have to look at him naked. Not that Logan hasn't seen Kendall naked before, but Logan wasn't, like, examining Kendall, scrutinizing his privates. Kendall gets this mental image of Logan asking him to turn his head and cough, and he giggles amongst the gags.

There's a light knock on the door and Kendall stands from his kneeling position by the bowl, flushes and goes to wash his face. "Come in," he says.

Mrs. Knight pokes her head in, the worry puckering her face as she looks Kendall up and down. "Still getting sick?"

Kendall gives a nod and says, "But it's no big deal, Mom." She walks the few feet separating them and puts a cool hand to his forehead.

"You don't  _feel_ like you have a fever, but you sure are flushed. You know, this could be a big deal. I'm going to have to insist you go to the doctor."

"Mom—"

"No buts."

"We have to go to the studio today, Mom," Kendall whines.

"Then go after. Or tomorrow. Just go soon. Promise me, Kendall. Don't make me threaten you. I'm a good threatener."

Kendall fidgets, swings his arms around a moment, maybe even stomps his foot a little, but in the end, he agrees. No one says no to his mom.

~oOo~

The four boys have been at the studio almost two hours when Kendall feels that familiar lurch, the burn of bile rising up his throat. He's in the middle of singing when he can't keep it in anymore, the booth door firmly closed. He struggles with it, and it's Logan who reaches around him to help him push it open. Barely having time to give Logan an appreciative glance, Kendall is bolting through the studio, trying to get to the toilet or a garbage can. In the background, he hears Gustavo yelling.

He's proud when he makes it all the way to the bathroom sink before getting sick; one thing he's learned over the past weeks is how to control this involuntary body function. _Kendall Knight,_ he thinks,  _the guy who can get anything under control._

As he's retching, the door swishes open. He's expecting Logan; it's always Logan who comes to check on him. Instead, it's Gustavo. Kendall starts running water to rinse out the sink and looks at Gustavo in the mirror.

"Let me have it," Kendall says.

"I'm not going to 'let you have it'," Gustavo answers, wiggling his fingers and drawling out Kendall's words. Kendall appreciates the mockery. It's normal and comfortable when everything else is just seeming downright odd.

"Then why are you here? Not to check on me."

"You're going to see a doctor. I can't have any of you dogs puking on fans."

"I'm fine!" Kendall shouts, repeating the same diatribe for the thousandth time. If it's not his mom or Logan, it's James or Carlos or Katie. Now  _Gustavo_ motherfucking  _Rocque_ is telling him to seek out some medical attention. It's fucking frustrating.

" _Go to the damn doctor!"_ And there's the old anger Kendall looks for. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around him, his temper short and emotions strung high. He can always depend on Gustavo for a good shouting match.

"Buzz off," Kendall replies. Smoke rolls out of Gustavo's ears.

"You will go to the doctor, right now." Kendall doesn't move. "I said go now, and don't come back until you've had a check-up!"

Kendall gives Gustavo—what he thinks is—an impressive glare, but the big man is left unfazed. Kendall exits the bathroom, leaves the studio all together.

But he doesn't go see a doctor. He's feeling tired, arms and legs useless like wet noodles. So he goes home, snuggles into his bed. But he does make an appointment for the following morning. It's an off day, and this way Kendall gets a much needed nap now, the apartment quiet and cool in the middle of the afternoon.

As he drifts off, he wishes he had taken the time to eat a corn dog, maybe dipped in chocolate. "Mmmm," he hums before slipping to sleep.

~oOo~

Kendall is bored. Waiting has never been something he's good at, that wide-eyed, childhood impatience being something he's never outgrown. He fidgets like a four-year-old as he waits on Dr. Hollywood to come back in the room.

After much poking and prodding, the man told Kendall to wait a few minutes for his return. Kendall found the doctor's facial expressions odd, his stubbly upper lip curling towards his sunglass-covered eyes. "I have to go look at your piss," he'd mumbled while exiting the room.

That had to have been forty-five minutes ago, at least.

Wandering about the room, Kendall begins taking apart the anatomically correct mannequin as he waits. There's this removable door on the stomach which Kendall clicks off, revealing intricate intestines and vital organs. He squats down on eye level with the stuff and gets super close to the liver. Kendall starts thinking about how  _this_ is what he looks like on the inside, but with a lot more blood, a lot more goo, and he feels that rumbling in his stomach that has become all too familiar in the last weeks. He makes it to the adjacent bathroom just in time to heave his breakfast, and almost laughs when he recognizes the piece of gum he'd swallowed so he could eat his cocoa puffs. Almostlaughs, until he sees how disgusting the mess in the toilet is and heaves even when there's nothing left to heave.

Dr. Hollywood comes back in the room with a nurse just as Kendall is exiting the bathroom. He takes a moment to lean against the metal frame of the door, the cool temperature a balm to his overheated cheeks. He wonders for the hundredth time what the hell is wrong with him and hopes he's about to find out.

"Kendall," the doctor starts, removing his glasses and patting the examination table, "come lie flat on your back." Kendall thinks it's an odd request; he's been thoroughly examined. All this poking is beginning to make him irritable, but he does as the doctor asks.

The man starts pressing on his stomach, and it hurts, but Kendall keeps his mouth shut. It's when Dr. Hollywood starts whispering to the nurse Kendall can't keep quiet.

"Give it to me straight, Doc. I can handle it. What do I have? Melanoma? Diphtheria? The Clap? How much time do you give me? Six months?" Kendall thinks he's making a joke, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room, but the doctor just shushes him and mumbles something like  _probably seven_. Kendall starts to get nervous now; is he actually dying?

Dr. Hollywood pulls a tiny contraption from his lab coat, a boxy shaped thing about the size of a radio with what looks like a flat topped microphone attached by a coiled phone cord. Weird. He squirts some gel crap on the flat part and has the nurse lift Kendall's shirt.

"What's she doing?" Kendall asks, wondering if he's about to be gang-banged in some kind of naughty doctor fantasy. Dr. Hollywood squeezes some gel crap onto Kendall's stomach, and he can't help the tiny giggle that escapes when he feels the frosty temperature.

"I'm supposed to have a lady in the room for these types of examinations…you know," Dr. Hollywood replies, gesturing to his crotch, then Kendall's crotch, then the nurses crotch.

"But I'm a guy," Kendall argues, the whole thing getting stranger and stranger as the flat microphone is pressed, hard, against his abdomen.

"See, that's what I thought!" the doctor exclaims. "You are a guy, right?"

"Well, yeah, last I checked," Kendall offers.

"Hmmm." He prods more, presses harder, a sound like a full washing machine agitating suddenly filling the room. "Hmmm. Strange. Hmmm."

"Hmmm," Kendall hums, dripping sarcasm. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

"I never get tired of using this thing," the doctor says to the nurse, smiling and laughing. "The sound of life. Great. So much more relaxing than that whale song junk my ex used to listen to while going to sleep. All that  _hrrrroong_ and  _whawhawha_ is just annoying."

"Hey!" Kendall waves his arms frantically. "What about me? What the fuck are you talking about?" He doesn't like dropping the f-bomb in front of a medical professional, but the _professional_ part is becoming less and less believable as the moments elapse.

"Mr. Knight, Kendall, you really need to clean up your language since you're going to be a mommy."

Kendall snorts but his laughter fades when the doctor's expression doesn't change. It's like all sound is muted but the  _whooshing_ of the tiny box the doctor holds. This rapid, unearthly, underwater sound is supposedly a  _kid_ inside Kendall. It makes sense, but it doesn't. The vomiting, the puffy nipples, the random crying and fits of rage. How?  _How?_

"But I'm a guy," Kendall protests, his voice quiet and feeble. Kendall is already formulating a plan in his head, a plan on getting a second opinion.

"I know, right?! Crazy."

Kendall looks to the nurse for support, looks for an aghast expression, something to indicate he's not the only normal person in the room, but he's disappointed. She's chewing her gum with a look on her face blanker than a blue L.A. sky.

"But I don't have a uterus."

"Well," Dr. Hollywood begins, running a hand through his perfect, wavy hair. No wonder James doesn't like coming here. Hair rival. "You don't really  _need_ a uterus to carry a kid. It's nice and safe and uteruses, or, wait, would it be uteri? I don't know. Anyway, uteri are for carrying kids and it gives the placenta a nice place to attach and all that, but a fertilized egg can really plant itself anywhere in the body. Hey, you should probably go see a doctor."

"You are a doctor!" Kendall shouts, still waiting on the punchline to the joke.

"I mean one of those special doctors, kid. Like, a gynecologist. Wait, no, for babies you need an OB-GYN. This is going to be  _so_ weird, because, like, you don't have a vagina. You don't have a vagina, right?"

"No.  _No._ We've established—I don't know how many times now, like, forty—I'm a guy. I have a dick and balls. I'm a guy!" Kendall's voice goes higher and higher as he speaks, squeaking even worse than when he first entered puberty. He realizes how panicked he sounds, how the octave of his voice almost belies his protestations.

"You need to calm down. It's bad, you know, for the baby, or something." Dr. Hollywood shuts off the machine, the  _whooshing_ abruptly stopping and the room going quiet in time for Kendall's stomach to let out a gurgle.

Uncaring about the goo on his middle, Kendall shrugs the doctor aside, pulls down his shirt. "I'm so outta here," he mumbles, upset when the door doesn't slam the way he wants it to.

That doctor is whacko, fucked, inebriated, a quack. Kendall is, and always has been, a full-fledged dude. He's been kicked and kneed in the nuts enough to know they're there. He's held his cock in his hand more times than he can count. He's written his name in the goddamn snow every winter since he was seven.

Even knowing, without a doubt, he's a guy, it doesn't keep Kendall from stopping at the nearest pharmacy and buying no less than eighteen pregnancy tests, one of each brand.

He tries not to think it's odd when he stops at the grocery aisle to pick up sauerkraut and peanut butter.

~oOo~

"This is impossible! Impossible!" Logan hears from the bathroom. He's just come back to 2J after an interesting day at the Long Division Museum, still slightly disappointed he couldn't talk any of his friends into going with him. Usually, he can depend on Kendall for such things, even though the other guy complains most of the time. Still, it's nice to have someone to express his excitement, even though it's not returned.

Logan knows Kendall hasn't been feeling so hot, and he forgave him rather quickly. The shouts from the bathroom, however, don't sound like Kendall's usual vomiting routine. He shuts the door to the bedroom behind him, and walks over the bathroom door, wondering if he should interrupt. He taps his knuckles on the door, lightly, and hears a panicked yelp from Kendall, the rustling of some papers.

"Who is it?" Kendall asks, frantic. Logan can't help but become worried; Kendall is never frantic.

"It's me," Logan replies. "Can I come in?"

"No. No, don't come in." More rustling. "This is impossible!"

"Kendall, let me in," Logan demands, trying the door knob. He's surprised when it turns. So now, not only is Kendall frantic, but forgetful. Something big is up. When the door is fully opened, to say he is shocked is a huge fucking understatement.

"This is impossible!" Kendall says again, hands in his hair, face red and blotchy.

"There's piss everywhere." Logan points his finger to a spatter on the side of the tub, then to a puddle by the toilet, then some sprinkles on the sink. It takes him a few more moments, but he realizes there are at least a dozen—if not two dozen—pregnancy tests scattered across the toilet tank, the shower, the sink and the floor. It's chaos.

And it makes no sense. Not a bit of it.

Logan can't wrap his mind around what's going on, and Kendall just stares at him expectantly, as though he can confirm or deny that "this" (whatever "this" is) is impossible. His eyes flit around the sticks, the tabs, the droppers and cups of pee until he starts registering some results. One has a happy face. Another, a plus sign. Another, two blue lines. There are even a few digital ones, some reading "test is working" others, proclaiming happily, the single word "pregnant".

A timer goes off, and Kendall's crazy eyes dart to one of the digitals. He picks is up and snorts, throwing it down in disgust. Finally, he looks at Logan, his expression smoothed out, calmed. They stare at each other for ages until Kendall starts full out laughing. Logan is, maybe, a teensy bit frightened. So much for the temporary moment of sanity.

"Hey, Logan," Kendall starts between gulps of giggles, "what was in that stuff I fell on?"

Logan wracks his brain, taking inventory while also trying to find out what in the  _hell_ Kendall is doing with so much pee and pregnancy tests.

"Is Lucy pregnant?" Logan asks, thinking there has to be some reasonable explanation for what's happening, why Kendall is flipping his shit—or piss, rather—in the middle of the bathroom. Kendall only laughs harder.

"I  _wish._ I wish Lucy were pregnant. Damn if that wouldn't be easier." His laughter stops as suddenly as it came on. "No, really, Logie, what was on that table I smashed?"

Logan starts spewing out everything he can remember, "Um, uh, carnitine, domifene, biosynthesized methionine." Logan pauses, squints. "Coffee beans, protein extract, ova. Oh, estrogen and testosterone, of course. Um, saline—"

"Wait, what? What are you even saying right now?"

"I'm telling you what was on the ta—"

"Let me rephrase. Tell me if there was anything on that table—anything at all—that on god's green earth could make me pregnant. Tell me that's not possible, Logan," Kendall deadpans, his voice going low.

It's like this high-pitched buzzing suddenly sounds off in Logan's ears and he sees black spots. He couldn't have. Could he? He was close to figuring things out. He wasn't looking to make a man pregnant, just the run of the mill woman having trouble, but damn if this wouldn't get him acclaim. For a second, a fraction of a half of a second, Logan sees himself on  _Dateline_  talking about the successful implantation of a fertilized egg in a man. Not even on purpose. Logan snaps out of it when he registers Kendall's worried expression. Kendall is right. It's just not possible. He thinks of the gash on Kendall's abdomen and absently looks toward the jagged scar. Kendall notices and protectively covers his middle.

"It's not possible, Ken. They cleaned out the wound when they stitched it up. It's all standard procedure. And the ova weren't fertilized when I…" he stops. He needs to sit down. Why is there no where to sit down that's not covered in piss or pregnancy tests?

"You see all these tests?" Kendall picks up a handful of the white sticks, tosses them in the air and they rain down like some sort of comical confetti, some kind of fucked up hailstorm. "They all say it's possible. So does Dr. Hollywood, although I trust these impersonal pieces of plastic more than him."

"I-I-I—" Logan tries speaking again. He threw his sperm at Kendall, and then he fell in the ova. There were something like six to eight eggs in one Petri dish. But they were frozen for the most part. Could his fertilization method be  _that_ effective? To still fertilize and implant so quickly, despite the ova being frozen, that by the time Kendall was cleaned and sewed up, he was already pregnant?

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Logan moans. This is bad. Very bad. Logan thinks of the complications, all of Kendall's vital organs being pushed around and misplaced already. He adds it up in his head—only a tiny bit smug that he can still do math under this type of pressure—and figures Kendall would be close to nine weeks along. "This is bad." He starts to pace, uncaring anymore about the urine he walks through, the multiple tests crushing under his feet.

"Logan," Kendall cuts in, but Logan keeps pacing, maniacally twisting his hair between his fingers, his face burning with shame and fear. "Logan!" Kendall shouts. Logan stops pacing to look at him, and how the fuck is Kendall so calm right now? It's like his panic has transferred to Logan, and all that's left in him is a firm resolve.

"What, Kendall, what?"

"It looks like you won the prank war, big time."

~oOo~

They keep it to themselves for another two weeks until Kendall can get in to see a real doctor. Logan makes the appointment, not mentioning the fact Kendall is a guy. Maybe that might've been important.

In the waiting room, they get strange looks, and Kendall feels like he might get sick again, despite the fact he's already thrown up twice this morning. How do these fucked up situations always happen to him? He picks up a  _Mommy to Be_ magazine and tries to feign calm despite the panic building. This should be fun to explain.

Despite his cool façade, Kendall is pretty damn pissed at Logan. He's trying his best not to be; Logan's intentions, as always, were good. He had been experimenting to try to help normal couples become families. But why did he have to throw sperm? God, wouldn't Kendall have done the same thing? Probably. But being rational is difficult at the moment.

"Kendall Knight?" the nurse calls. Kendall and Logan stand, and they're given an odd look as they follow the elderly woman to the back. She has the decency to hold her questions until the door to the lobby is shut.

"Hi," Kendall says, at a loss to even begin.

"Is this some sort of joke or prank?" she asks.

"No," Logan replies, "we're not allowed to prank anymore."

The nurse takes a long look at both of them and shrugs. "Follow me."

She takes Kendall's height and weight, blood, urine and blood pressure. She puts Kendall's pee on a strip that looks like several of the ones Kendall had used at home. Sure enough, it reads positive and she shows visible confusion.

"Forgive me for asking, I just need to be sure, but you are a  _man,_ correct, Kendall. The nurse winces, as though she might've asked this question before and gotten in trouble for it.

"Yes," he replies.

"No complications as a child? No problems during puberty? No intersex conditions at birth?"

"What?" Kendall asks.

"No external and internal genitals?" she continues.

"Huh?" And fuck if Kendall isn't blushing and confused as hell.

"She means, are you a hermaphrodite," Logan clarifies, whispering as though he's embarrassed as well. Which, when Kendall looks at him, he notices his cheeks are redder than a baboon's butt.

"Oh! God no. I'm a guy. Always have been, hopefully always will be."

The nurse goes, "Hmmm," and Kendall is so tired of that sound pretending to be a word. "Is this," she points to Logan and lowers her voice, "your  _boyfriend?_ "

"No!" Kendall protests.

"But he is the father?" She lowers her voice even further, "Is this one of those 'friends with benefits' things you young people seem to enjoy so much?" The nurse makes air quotes and everything. Kendall is too shocked to speak and the nurse continues, "When was your last menstrual period? Is there any pain when you have intercourse?"

"Geez, where do they teach you to ask these questions? The University of Nursing for the Blind and Dumb?"

The lady huffs and looks offended. Kendall feels shitty about behaving like a jerk. That's not him. Damn hormones. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not like this normally."

"He's not," Logan chimes. "He's really, really not." The brunet shakes his head emphatically while Kendall nods. The nurse's lips thin out to a straight line.

"Well I'd be lying if I said you were the first person to snap at me in here. Come back to the room." She stands and gestures for the boys to follow her, stopping in front of an open door. She places Kendall's folder in the slotted space hanging by the entrance. She looks perplexed for a moment.

"Should I get on that table?" Kendall asks, eyes tracing over the stirrups, the pink plastic covered in a paper sheet.

"Normally, I'd ask you to undress and put this paper cover on." She holds up, what looks to be, a thin paper vest that opens in the front. "And you'd put this sheet over your waist."

"What's that vest thing for?" Kendall looks to Logan, tired of the nurse.

"Breast exam," Logan replies, biting his lower lip and looking mortified and kind of cute. Did he just call his best friend cute? Maybe he is turning into a girl. Anyway, he knows he doesn't want to be felt up by some stranger.

"Why don't you guys just have a seat and the doctor will be in shortly." She fiddles with her hands like she doesn't know what to do with them before sighing loudly and leaving the room.

An awkward silence settles over them as they wait; honestly, Logan seems to have been avoiding Kendall the last few weeks.

"I'm so damn sorry about this, Kendall, I mean, this is going to be a major medical procedure, getting that thing out of you, and—"

"What do you mean, 'getting that thing out'? I'm pro-life, dammit," Kendall huffs. It's not a decision he's come across lightly, and he doesn't have any crazy ideas about keeping a kid at seventeen—eighteen, actually, when this is all said and done—but he's not doing the a-word, if that's what Logan means.

"Kendall, you can't possibly carry a fetus full term. You're a guy, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. I've been trying too damn hard to convince everyone else to forget it myself."

Logan sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. He starts breathing hard, too hard to be normal, and he puts his head between his knees. Kendall almost wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Here is his, in a boy band, pregnant, not to mention  _celibate_ for months, and Logan is the one dissolving into a panic attack.

"How are we supposed to explain this to people? To Gustavo, the press? Are you planning on hiding it? What about the baby? Do you understand the likelihood of it having implanted anywhere  _near_  safe is improbable? This could kill you."

"Would you chill the fuck out, dude? Let's wait for the doctor before we freak out."

What the doctor finally comes in, Dr. Schenk (pronounced "skank" and can they really trust a doctor with that name?), he gives Kendall all the same warnings Logan already has.

" _If_  the egg implanted in a place it can, for the most part, safely grow, your biggest worry would be hemorrhaging when the placenta detaches after birth. The delivery, for obvious reasons, would have to be a cesarean, which is a major surgical procedure even on its own." Dr. Schenk waves his hand. "Now tell me again how this happened?" And Logan goes through the explanation for the tenth time, the doctor looking skeptical.

"Do you know, if what you're telling me if true, you could be featured in any and every major medical journal we know of. You're how old again?"

"Seventeen," Logan answers.

"Wow. You're sure you don't want to make a case study of this? It's never, I mean  _never,_ been done. No need for it having been attempted, really."

Logan looks at Kendall; they've had this talk. To make a big deal of this, to draw attention to it from others in the medical field would put Kendall under a microscope and this whole thing would be everywhere. Kendall feels guilty, because this is huge for Logan, this is a breakthrough like Logan has been trying to make since he was big enough to handle a Bunsen burner. He tamps down the guilt, because he hadn't asked for any of this.

"I'm sure," Logan says, and Kendall thinks his fondness stretches a bit more, even though Logan knocked him up without even so much as a dinner date first.

Dr. Schenk whistles, long and loud. "Well then, I think we need to start by doing an ultrasound to find out where this baby is."

~oOo~

Kendall thought rectal probes only happened in alien abductions, but this is real life, and it's totally weird. The doctor explained most women at this point in their pregnancies had to have a vaginal ultrasound to be able to measure the baby, because it's so small. Kendall doesn't have a vagina, so they take the next best route.

His feet are in stirrups and they finally got him into one of those fashionable pink examination gowns. Kendall can tell Logan is trying not to laugh, despite the strangeness of this whole thing.

Having a condom covered probe shoved up his ass is definitely going on Kendall's 'Top Five Most Uncomfortable Things That Have Ever Happened, Ever' list.

The ultrasound technician wiggles and presses the probe around, and Kendall is having difficulty relaxing until she turns the screen towards him.

"Holy shit," Kendall breathes, awe clear in his voice. He can already tell that the baby is an actual  _thing,_ even through the blurry images. There's a tiny profile, bumps and ridges indicating a nose, a mouth.

"I think we could've done an external," the tech laughs, "but it wouldn't have been this clear." There's this pulsating movement she points to, and even Logan takes a disbelieving breath. "That's the heart." She presses some buttons, takes some screen captures.

"Well I'll be damned," Dr. Schenk says, shaking his head. He'd insisted on being around for the first look, obviously glad to know they aren't all taking crazy pills.

"There's a baby in there," Logan whispers, as though this is something he's just realizing. Kendall thinks he probably is just fully realizing it. He hadn't completely believed it until this moment himself. Kendall doesn't have any words to describe the mixed emotions he's feeling, but he knows one thing for certain. He's carrying this baby.

"I'd say you're right at eleven weeks. Due on February twenty-ninth, roughly." She laughs again. "How cool would that be?"

"Not at all," Logan replies, face stoic and void of any expression that isn't disbelief.

"So how's it look, Doc? Is it anchored in a good place?" Kendall asks.

"Could you move a bit to the left quadrant, please?" Dr. Schenk requests of the tech. She adjusts the probe, pans left and Kendall groans.

"Sorry," she whispers.

"Frankly, I'm surprised to see you this far along and still carrying. That alone, tells us the fetus is in a relatively good spot. It appears to have implanted right here," Dr. Schenk points to a spot on Kendall's abdomen, right above the jagged silver scar from the prank war, "which is about as good as we can hope for. With your permission, I'm going to check around with some of my colleagues—all confidentially, mind you—who deal with high risk pregnancies." He stops to raise his eyebrows, sigh and tilt his head to the side. "Congratulations, Mr. Knight, Mr. Mitchell. Looks like you're going to have a baby."

Kendall doesn't know whether to say "thanks" or "fuck you" or "what the hell do you mean by that?" so he leaves it to Logan who mutters, "Thanks."

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask," the doctor stops, halfway out the door, "where did you get the unfertilized ova for your experimenting, Mr. Mitchell?"

"Call me Logan, please."

"Logan," the doctor offers. Logan seems to be stalling and Kendall tries to think of a way this whole thing could be worse than it already is. He can't wrap his mind around a situation being any more clusterfucked.

He's proven wrong.

"I, uh." Kendall tries to meet the other boy's eyes, but Logan keeps looking away. Kendall tries telekinesis, the Vulcan mind meld, the Force, and Logan still manages to avoid him. It's a damn good question, one Kendall had wondered himself. He'd just assumed Logan had gotten them from some sort of donation place, but thinking of it, those things have to be expensive.

"Well, Logan?" Kendall prompts.

"Um, they were donated by a private party."

"And who would that private party be?" Kendall is growing impatient, those sassy girl hormones pulsing through his body.

"Oh, nobody you know very well. Just someone not using them."

"Spit it out, Logan," Kendall says, his voice low and dangerous, eyes flashing a creepy shade of snakey green.

"Your mom." Logan quickly looks to Dr. Schenk, as though he might save Logan's ass from getting chewed. "His mom," Logan says, pointing to Kendall.

~oOo~

"Mom, I'm pregnant with your baby. It's yours and it's Logan's and it's in my body." The words slipping past Kendall's lips feel surreal. It might be the first time those specific words have been spoken in such a way in the history of ever. Kendall is astounded at how unafraid he is to tell his mom what's happening, some unnamed feeling stewing in his gut. He tone is almost spiteful. "I'm going to try my best to carry full term, so don't try to talk me out of it.

The color is gone from Mrs. Knight's face as she takes in her son. "I told you guys, these pranks are to stop. This isn't funny." She looks to Logan—everyone  _always_ looks to Logan—to try to discover the truth behind this whole thing. Logan's eyes widen, and he gives Mrs. Knight a curt nod. It's all true.

"L-Logan?" Mrs. Knight tries to start, and Kendall can't remember a time his mother has ever stuttered. "How could this happen?"

"It was an accident. When Kendall fell—"

"I see." Mrs. Knight is too calm. Kendall wants her to shout and rage and ground him for a month. He wants her to reprimand Logan, chase him out of the apartment with a shotgun for impregnating her son.

Maybe Kendall is jealous. Maybe that's what the feeling is. How dare his mom donate eggs and Logan accidentally get them fertilized with his own sperm? It's crazy, but Logan and Kendall's mom have something together Kendall and Logan will never have. But why should he care? Logan is his friend, best friend, nothing above or beyond.

Instead of indignant fury, Mrs. Knight laughs, no mirth behind the sound.

"So you," she points to Logan, "got him," she points to Kendall, "pregnant with my baby?" Kendall and Logan both nod. "But he doesn't have a uterus."

"That's exactly what I said!" Kendall exclaims. "But apparently it doesn't matter. And how did Logan harvest your eggs, Mom? Nevermind. I don't want to know."

Mrs. Knight takes a deep breath, put both hands on her cheeks. "Kendall, I'm proud of you for wanting to do the right thing, but you're really too young to be going through this. A baby? Even if it is mine, I just can't see—"

"We'll give the baby up, Mom. As long as you're okay with that. I mean, I know this kid is more yours than mine, but, it's, like, in my body. So, since I'm this high-tech incubator I think I have a say so."

"I didn't get a say so—" Logan mutters.

"Shut up, Logan," Kendall says, looking at his mom expectantly.

"I can't believe you're not screaming at me," Logan says. "Will somebody please just let me have it!?"

"None of this was on purpose, Logan. I'm worried, yes, but angry, no. Uh, I mean, this is, well, it's odd. It's a shock. I'm pretty sure I'm in shock right now. I might blow up later when it all sinks in, but now is the time to be levelheaded. Okay? So, Kendall, honey, are you sure you want to go through with this? No one will blame you if you don't want to con—"

"I'm going through with it. This is my best friend's baby. And, ohmygod, my kid brother or sister. I'm doing it."

Mrs. Knight lets out a long sigh. "You're right, Kendall, you're right. This baby could really be a blessing to someone." She stops to give a resolute nod. "We need to tell the other boys and Katie. And Gustavo. This is—even if it's temporary—this is going to have an impact on everyone. Tell him soon. Especially since you'll need his help to keep this out of the press. You want this out of the press right?"

"No, Mom, I want to have a baby shower with Beyonce and talk about breastfeeding."

Mrs. Knight only gives him a stern look. "Don't put it off."

~oOo~

Logan is in full blown panic mode. Kendall is taking a nap, a  _nap_ for fucksake, while Logan's legs are already sore from all the pacing. The roots of his hair hurt from the tugging, and now he's just sitting on the sofa, banished from the bedroom when Kendall couldn't sleep from all the huffing and moaning.

When Logan had resolved to be more grown-up, he didn't think that meant becoming a father when he's barely eighteen.

He's worried more than anything, about Kendall, about the things this is doing to his body, the things this  _will_ do to his body. Logan is sure Kendall will wind up hating him. How could he not?

Staring blankly at the wall, Logan doesn't hear James come into the room, only realizing he's not alone when there's the clearing of a throat. He turns around to see the pretty guy standing there, concern pinching his brows.

"Can I help you?" Logan snaps, and he feels bad for sounding so harsh. "Sorry, James, did you need something?"

"Just wondering what's so interesting about that spot on the wall that you've been staring at the last ten minutes," James answers, taking a seat next to Logan. "Anything I can do?"

Logan shakes his head. He shouldn't spill everything now, not with Kendall sleeping and this being a problem shared between the both of them.

"Did you and Kendall fight?" James asks.

"What makes you think that?" Logan shifts a bit on the couch, turns to fully face James.

"You're only ever this upset when you two fight." Logan takes a moment to ponder the statement. That's not true. Can't be. There are plenty of other things he gets quiet and thoughtful about.

"Nuh-uh. When I'm off again with Camille I get like this, right?" Thanks goodness right now they're off again.

James snorts before taking in Logan's serious face, and he abruptly goes quiet again. "Oh, you're serious? Logan, you've never gotten upset over Camille. I mean, you've gotten _upset,_ but never depressed. There's a difference."

James must be crazy. Since when is he observant? Logan shrugs it off. "Kendall and I didn't fight, although he should be furious at me."

"Why?" Logan, against his better judgment, wants to tell someone everything. True, they've told Mrs. Knight, but that's different. He needs a friend right now, a friend on the outside of this screwed up situation.

So Logan just blurts it out. "Kendall's pregnant."

James claps his hands as he lets out a loud laugh. Again, he sees Logan's face and stops. Logan launches into the whole explanation again, and by now he has it down pat.

"You guys just need to get married and get it over with," James comments.

"What's that supposed to mean?" For a moment, a teeny tiny moment, Logan had felt the huge weight of the situation lifted from his shoulders. James slams it back on with the strength of a wrecking ball.

"You guys totally love each other. Maybe you don't notice it because you've loved him from the beginning," James replies, and his expression is so earnest and sure Logan wants to punch him.

"Whatever, dude. Just because he's having my baby and all doesn't mean we're going to ride off into the sunset. There's only a few ways this can end."

"Just because you've decided to give the baby up doesn't mean you two can't be together."

Logan has never considered it, never even contemplated the way he felt about Kendall. Kendall has always just been Logan's best friend, someone he wants to impress, someone he looks up to. There's nothing deeper there.

"You're crazy," Logan laughs, masking his discomfort. James doesn't change his expression and Logan's laughter tapers off into nothing until they're only sitting there staring at each other.

"Do you need a hug, man?" James asks, opening his arms. Logan nods and falls into James, taking the small bit of comfort.

~oOo~

"He's  _what?_ " Gustavo is speaking in that low, creepy voice he uses right before he explodes, kind of like the hiss of the incendiary before the bomb. "You dogs are funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. Now really, what's wrong with you, Kendall?"

"This isn't a joke, Gustavo," Logan says, and Kendall feels so much affection for Logan in the moment. Kendall is the brave one, the bold one who stands up to Gustavo, a smart comment waiting to roll off his sharp tongue, but this is just too embarrassing. Logan is really taking responsibility, shielding Kendall from Gustavo's wrath, standing slightly in front.

But wait, this is all Logan's fault.

The affection burns off like alcohol in a fire.

"How did you get Kendall pregnant, Logan?" Gustavo seethes.

"Hey, why are you so sure it was me?" Logan asks.

"None of these other dogs are smart enough."

"Hey!" Carlos and James chime in unison.

"Shut up!" Gustavo shouts before any more protests can be made. He stands from his desk, leans forward and rests the palms of his hands on the smooth, mahogany surface. He looks down at the image of himself on the reflective top. Everyone in the room gets more nervous, and Kelly appears as though she's getting ready to hold him back.

"Gustavo—" Logan starts.

"What the  _fucking hell_ am I supposed to do with a goddamn pregnant boy band member? He's the leader for christssake, and he's going to be squeezing a melon out his butt or something? Baby puke is not sexy! Poopy diapers are not in fashion,  _ever_! A stomach that sticks out so far a person can't see his own feet is  _not_ the look we're going for!"

"Can you see your feet, Gustavo?" Carlos asks, and although the question was honestly spoken, nothing about it mocking, it's enough to launch Gustavo over his desk, hands outstretched and aiming for Carlos's throat. Kelly is ready though, and grabs him before any bodily harm can occur.

"Just go into the hallway, guys!" she requests, breathless and struggling with Gustavo's massive form. "Wait out there." They all stare for a moment, gaping at the strength someone twice Gustavo's size can exert against him. "Now!" The guys leap toward the door when Gustavo lets out an echoing bellow loud enough to shake the door on its hinges.

Kendall leans against the wall in the hallway, sinks to the floor. God, could this be any more embarrassing? He feels like people everywhere have been staring at him, every bit of him raw like he's been scoured with a cheese grater. All his nerves might as well be displayed openly on his skin; anyone and everyone can press on them, make Kendall hurt and ache more and more and more.

If anyone can make this like it never happened Gustavo can. He realizes, with a start, he didn't get to explain to Gustavo how he wanted to give the baby up; if there's one thing he's sure of, it's that he doesn't want to be a dad. Not now. Maybe never, after this.

So he calls Gustavo on his cell phone.

" _What?!_ " Gustavo screeches, his voice echoing through the hallway even through the tiny earpiece of the phone.

"We don't want to keep it. The baby, I mean."

"What, Kendall? I can't hear you over the pitter patter of little feet in my head!"

"I'm giving the baby up for adoption. If, well, when it's born. I don't want it." He feels rotten for saying it, wondering where that attachment is, that "mother's instinct" he's heard so much about. So far, all he's felt are sore nipples and cramps and nausea and crazy sideways emotions.

Gustavo doesn't answer, and Kendall checks the phone several times to see if he's still connected. Finally, there's a deep breath. "Give me some time to get this sorted out and I'll call you. For now, you and the kennel club get out of my sight."

Kendall hangs up after mumbling what he thinks might be a word of thanks. He stares down at his phone until he feels a tapping on his shoulder.

"So I'm going to be an uncle?" Carlos says, the smile on his face so sweet and earnest Kendall feels a moment of guilt.

"We can't keep the baby, Carlos," Kendall replies. Carlos expression deflates.

"You think I can see him before? You know, before he's gone? Just for a minute." Carlos would make a great uncle, if not moderately dangerous. But how else would the kid toughen up? For the first time, Kendall wonders about what kind of people the kid will go live with. He hopes it's someone who can ice skate. No kid should go without learning to skate.

"We'll have to see how things go. I really have no clue how this is going to work out." Maybe that's something he should look into.

Carlos drops to his knees and pokes Kendall's stomach. "Carlos!" Kendall grabs Carlos's shoulders and tries to pull him up.

"Hi, baby," Carlos coos, a dreamy expression on his face. "It's Uncle Carlos! I love you."

Kendall gives up on righting Carlos and looks to where Logan leans against the wall. He only blushes and shrugs.

"So you guys didn't have sex, right?" James asks of Logan.

"Geez, James, no we did not have sex!"

"What a rip."

Yeah, it's going to be a long pregnancy.

~oOo~

"What do you mean, you're replacing me?" Kendall feels stupid, traitorous tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Lately, the waterworks start if someone merely looks at him wonky. Just yesterday, Kendall cried watching reruns of  _Scrubs._ And isn't  _Scrubs_ supposed to be funny?

"Relax, Kendall. Brett here—we'll call him Ken-doll—is a body double. Just for when you get too fat to go out in public."

"Wow, thanks, Gustavo."

The four guys are having a meeting to discuss the situation, come up with a plan. Kendall thinks the thing not working out with Lucy is fortuitous. How would he ever have been able to explain?

"You're welcome," Gustavo replies, completely missing Kendall's sarcasm. "From what I understand, your grandparents have a place in Florida, right?"

"How do you know that?" Kendall asks.

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. Anyway, we're sending you there when we can't hide this anymore. You stay there. Don't leave the house if you can help it. There's a specialist there at some clinic that handles rare medical cases. I've arranged for him to visit you as often as possible. Until then, visit your doctors here. Don't tell _anyone_ about this who doesn't absolutely have to know. Leave your shirt on. And, for fuck's sake, don't wrestle around like the dumbasses you guys usually are."

Kendall hasn't thought about how huge he's going to be. Being stuck in the house for months? That's going to suck. And he'll be all alone. His mom can't come with him; the other guys will be staying in California. Kendall is eighteen now, a legal adult, but he honestly couldn't feel more childish. He wants his mommy with him, dammit.

"Aw, man, I wanted to see the baby!" Carlos protests.

"You know, I kind of wanted to, too," James agrees.

"Gustavo?" Logan squeaks, his fear of the large guy thinly masked.

"What?"

"How much trouble would it be to get a double for me? I, uh, well, this is my fault. I want to be there when Kendall gives birth. Plus, he shouldn't be alone. His grandparents won't be there. They only use that beach house a few weeks every year."

Gustavo's head turns burgundy. Kelly says his name with a warning tone. "I'll run it by Griffin, but it shouldn't be a problem. And you're right. I'll tell him it's protecting his assets."

"What about the adoption?" Logan asks. Kendall feels stupid he had almost forgotten about all that. What did he think? The baby would magically be whisked away to an appropriate home?

"I know a guy," Gustavo replies.

"Do you know a guy for everything?" Carlos chimes.

"Yes, dog, I know a guy for everything."

"This isn't going to be some black market trade-off is it?" Kendall asks. "I do want to make sure the baby is well cared for."

"Aw, does Mommy Kendall worry about Baby Kendall?" James adds, batting his eyelashes and jutting out his lower lip.

"Shut up, dude," Kendall leans over to punch James in the shoulder but loses his balance and falls into him instead.

"Someone's getting the dropsies. I hear that's normal when you're carrying around a watermelon." James gestures to Kendall's barely there stomach.

"You're an ass," Logan says, punching James in the shoulder as Kendall had intended. Kendall catches Logan's eyes and wonders when the smaller guy became his protector. It's a strange role reversal, but Kendall doesn't mind being taken care of like he thought he would.

"Thanks, Logan."

"Anyway, if you dogs are done arguing…Kendall, you and Logan are more than welcome to meet the family who we've been hooked up with to adopt. They're not a traditional couple so they've had some troubles going the traditional route, but trust me, they're good guys," Gustavo says. It's kind of surprising, but not really, that Gustavo seems to actually care about this. He's obviously put a lot of thought into getting everything worked out, Big Time Rush taking a small hiatus when Kendall is unable to work anymore.

But wait, what?  _Guys_?

~oOo~

The nausea finally goes away, but other symptoms begin plaguing Kendall. Hunger he can't seem to control. Hot flashes. Completely unprovoked arousal. He feels like a time bomb. An expanding, bloated time bomb. He sees so many doctors and nurses, he can't remember their names. He's been prodded and palpated and asked more embarrassing questions than he'd care to admit. But Logan is always there. For that, Kendall is grateful. Logan gets him the weird food he wants. Like sardines, bread and butter pickles and mayonnaise all smeared on rye bread. Logan rubs Kendall's back when the bump slowly forming in his middle pulls on his spine. Sometimes, Kendall even forgets he's supposed to be mad at Logan, and for some stupid reason, he's looking forward to the last few months of his pregnancy so they can be alone. Everyone else just annoys him.

The foreign feeling about someone he's always had, someone he's always known everything about seems almost stranger to Kendall than the tape worm forming in his gut. He just knows there's more fear in him now than there ever has been before, but divining the source is near impossible.

It's the hormones.

~oOo~

"Hrrrmph, ugh, I can't stand it. I can't stand it!" Kendall wails, throwing the pillow (which had been covering his face) across the room, whizzing past Logan's face like a ghostly apparition.

Funny, Logan thought Kendall had finally fallen asleep.

"It's so  _fucking_ hot in here," Kendall adds, throwing off his comforter in a huff, pulling his shirt over his head as though it were in flames. Logan doesn't know what to make of Kendall's sudden outburst. In fact, Logan is mostly, fairly certain he had been asleep before Kendall shouted.

Logan props himself on his elbow and looks toward Kendall. "Anything I can do?"

"No, you've done enough." Logan blanches at the comment. How rude. It's true, but still. Rude all the same. It's not like Logan impregnated his best friend on  _purpose._ Ew.

"Whatever, man," Logan replies, rolling over and facing out the window. He pulls his own covers up over his nose, certain the end of it is suffering frost bite in the chill of the room. He's never been so goddamn freezing in his life, not even when the temperatures dropped below zero in Minnesota. Not even when his foot when through a patch of thin ice into a ball-shriveling, dick-actually-retreating-inside-of-him pond.

"Wait, Logan, I'm sorry." Kendall stops for a moment. "Sorry," Kendall repeats. He's quiet again for a few minutes, his breathing evening out, and Logan thinks he's gone back to sleep until, in a voice quiet enough to be ignored, he says, "Would you turn on the fan for me, please?"

"How are you even hot? It's, like, twelve below in here, dude."

"Please? I'm too fat to get up. I would have to roll in the floor and then that would wake up Mom, then she would come in here and turn it on for me, and then she would ask why you didn't ju—"

"Okay, okay, I'm doing it." Logan's bare feet hit the floor and he's sure if he stuck his tongue to something metal in the room it would stick. He runs to the fan, presses the button and pretty much jumps back into bed, teeth chattering.

"You're not fat, by the way," Logan says through clicking teeth.

Kendall lets out a derisive snort. "You don't have to lie to me. I'm a cow, a pig. Oh my god, I want a bacon cheeseburger."

"Man, you're creating life! Isn't that cool? And you can just barely even see your bump. There are celebrity chicks who totally wear stuff showing off their baby bumps." Logan knows he was reluctant at first, the idea of Kendall risking himself to carry the baby full term frightening him beyond words. But, and he hates to admit, from the first time he saw the profile of the tiny kid he couldn't stop thinking about how that was  _his_ nose,  _Kendall's_ chin. It might sound ridiculous, but Logan knows—just from the ultrasound—this baby will look almost just like him.

"'Chicks' being the operative word. Oh my god, I want some fried chicken."

Logan is quiet for a few moments, the realization of how bad he's fucked up pressing down on his head, his shoulders, a blinding ache making its way through his temples. The moonlight is just enough to make out Kendall's silhouette as he lies on his back, the shiny, stretched skin of his abdomen creating a hill where they used to only be straight lines.

"Kendall?" Logan whispers, breaking the quiet.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about this. I don't know what else to say. I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again, but I'm  _really_ sorry. I think getting your best guy friend knocked up is about the worst thing a friend can do to another friend, huh?"

Kendall rolls over onto his right side, curls his right arm and props his head on it. He takes a moment to look at Logan, his brow furrowing and casting more of his face in shadow. "It could be worse."

"How so?"

"You could've accidentally turned me into a girl. You could've chopped off my dick. You could've somehow morphed me into a giant chicken and I would've had to eat myself to death. You could've made me short. Ooh, that would  _suck._ Imagine if I were shorter than you, Logie."

"Hey!" Logan laughs at the rude comment, picking up Kendall's thrown pillow and tossing it back. They both giggle until the sounds taper off and Kendall speaks again.

"I could be dead."

Neither says what they are both thinking,  _In a few more months, that might be a reality._

"That won't happen," Logan replies, more confidence in the statement than he actually feels.

"Hey, it'll all be okay. Like you said, the miracle of life and all that shit." Kendall laughs, rolls back onto his back.

"Kendall, I think you should start watching your language. The baby can hear as early as the sixteenth week of pregnancy, and, if my math is right, you're now eighteen weeks and four days. So you should really—"

"Shut the fuck up, Logan."

Logan shuts the fuck up. He thinks Kendall has fallen asleep again. Until, "Hey, will you go get me a big pickle? And turn the fan on oscillate? Okay, thanks."

Logan chuckles and decides to start keeping a parka and slippers by the bed.

~oOo~

"Logan, you have to get back here right now," Kendall blurts through the phone. Logan starts to spaz, thinking of all the things Kendall could be experiencing: a rupture, internal hemorrhaging, early labor.

"What's going on? Tell me, Kendall. Are you hurt?"

"Just get home  _right now,_ " Kendall says. He hangs up the phone before Logan can say anything else.

He trips over air and other nonexistent things as he tries to hurry, panic for Kendall, and yes, worry for the baby making him clumsy. He's not attached, just human. Or so he tells himself at least fifteen times a day.

Once he bursts through the front door, he sees Kendall calmly flipping through the channels on the TV.

"So you call me and tell me there's an emergency and then sit down to watch TV?"

"I didn't say there was an emergency. Come here," Kendall beckons, patting the place next to him on the couch.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Shhh! Give me your hand."

Logan is so confused, but he does as Kendall asks. Gently, Kendall places Logan's hand over the rise of his belly.

"Give her a minute," Kendall whispers.

"Her?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm tired of saying 'it'. But really, be quiet."

And then there's this fluttering under Logan's fingers and it startles him so that he withdrawals his hand, a breathless laugh erupting through his lips. Once he is over the shock, he puts his hand on Kendall again.

They both laugh quietly, glancing up at the same moment. Their eyes meet, and Logan feels a fluttering inside himself that has nothing to do with babies. Is it just the prenatal vitamins, or are Kendall's eyes brighter? Logan's breath catches at Kendall's smile, the straight rows of his teeth a stark contrast to the rose-petal pink of his lips. He's beautiful.

It's the vitamins, Logan is sure.

Pssh, pregnant people glow all the time.

"That's wild," Logan says.

"We're halfway there, Logie."

~oOo~

Logan and Kendall knock on the red door. They're in the California hills, far enough away from civilization to be beautiful and lush, close enough to be convenient. It's exactly where Logan would choose to live, were he the grown up he pretends to be. The house itself is lovely, not too big or too small, and the shutters match the door (mismatched shutters and doors has always been one of Logan's pet peeves). All in all, this would be the perfect place to grow up.

Logan looks to Kendall and notices him fidgeting, pulling his shirt taut over his protruding belly. It's only this nervous habit that ever reveals anything amiss with Kendall's body. Logan reaches over and smoothes his hand over Kendall's stomach, another nervous habit, both boys reminding themselves the baby is still there, reminding themselves Kendall is still making it.

They're both attached, though neither admits it.

A man opens the door, a bright smile on his face when he sees them. He's handsome, salt and pepper hair and shining blue eyes. "You must be Kendall and Logan," he says, opening the door wide. "I'm Nathan." He shakes both their hands and ushers them inside to a sitting room.

"Nice to meet you, Nathan," says Logan.

"Please, call me Nate."

"Your home is beautiful, Nate," Kendall says.

"Thank you. You must be Kendall?" Nate gestures to the boys to sit on the sofa as he takes a seat across from them.

"Is it that obvious?" Kendall asks, looking down at his stomach.

"No, it's really not. I only see because I'm looking for it." There's something familiar about Nate, but Kendall can't quite put his finger on it. He thinks Nate must just have one of those faces.

"Is your p-partner here?" Logan asks, looking around. He notices the room is already kid-proofed, empty sockets covered with plugs, all the knick-knacks and pictures placed up high.

"My husband," Nate laughs.

"Sorry." As though Logan weren't feeling awkward enough.

"No worries." Nate stands and walks to the entrance of the room. "Heath! Kendall and Logan are here!" he shouts.

They all hear footsteps, running footsteps, bounding down the stairs.

"He's really excited," Nate says, his eyes crinkling in the corners as a look of fondness falls over his face.

Heath pops into the sitting room, face jubilant. Logan and Kendall can't help but grin at him.

"Hey, guys!" Heath greets, shaking hands vigorously. "You two are so cute! I bet this baby will be adorable."

They all laugh as Logan blushes.

"Look, Nate, he's blushing. So charming," Heath stage whispers. Kendall elbows Logan in the ribs.

Nate and Heath sit across from Kendall and Logan and there's an awkward silence. Heath doesn't let it last long.

"So how are you feeling, Kendall?"

"Good." Kendall nods. "I finally stopped puking every day. My back's a little sore but Logie helps out with that."

"Kendall, I've told you not to call me that in public," Logan huffs, the blush that had barely retreated from his face coming back full force.

"No, no, it's sweet," Nate says. "I just want to start off by saying thank you to you two. The whole situation has been explained to us, and I know it has to be difficult. We've been wanting to start a family for years. This is just—as cheesy as it sounds—a dream come true for us." He takes Heath's hand and they share a smile. For the first time, Kendall is almost grateful he's pregnant, if for nothing else than to help these two men.

"You're welcome," Kendall says, and he really, really means it.

"So you're delivering in Florida?" Nate asks. Kendall and Logan nod. He fishes something out of his pocket and hands it to Kendall. "Here's my card. If you can just have someone call me when you find out you're having the baby, and we'll get there as soon as possible."

Kendall reads the card, the name of a law firm printed under Nate's name. Impressive.

"Do you know what you're having yet?" Heath asks.

"Yeah, actually," Logan says, looking to Kendall for permission to continue. Kendall nods. "We just had an ultrasound last week and it's a girl."

The two men smile, congratulating each other and embracing. "That's so amazing!" Heath breathes. "Oh my god, Nate, I'm so excited!"

"Heath already has the room mostly finished," Nate explains. "He's an artist. He was waiting to finish painting the walls until he found out the sex of the baby."

"Do you want to see it?" Heath is too excited for the boys to refuse him, so they nod. He jumps up and they all follow him up the stairs, Logan behind Kendall with his hand on the small of Kendall's back. He doesn't want him to trip and fall.

When they get into the room, neither boy can hide their reactions. The room is filled with stuffed animals, a rocking chair stationed in the corner by a beautiful crib. Hanging from the ceiling are stars and moons, and the walls are painted in a jungle theme. There are trees and exotic birds and wild animals. The trees are realistic, but the animals are painted in a way they look plush and huggable. There are already packs of diapers and clothes stacked on a changing table.

"I couldn't help myself," Heath says. He walks over to the clothes and holds up a little yellow sundress, fabric daisies as the straps. "I made this just in case."

Nate points to the one wall still blank. "We were waiting to figure out a name so he can paint it there."

For the first time, Kendall allows himself to feel a little jealous, a little sad at what he's giving up. The baby moves inside him and he puts a protective hand on his middle.

"Are you okay?" Logan asks, concerned.

"She's just moving," Kendall replies. Nate and Heath's faces light up and they move in close to Kendall.

"May I?" Heath requests.

For a silly moment, Kendall wants to say no, wants to keep the child to himself as long as he can, but his expression softens. He smiles tentatively. "Sure," he whispers, moving his hand.

The two men coo and whisper love to Kendall's stomach, and he looks at Logan over their heads. Logan has this sad smile on his face and Kendall has to glance away.

Once the baby stops moving, Nate and Heath reluctantly drop their hands away.

"Do you boys want something to eat or drink?" Heath asks.

"Sure," Logan replies, knowing how Kendall is always hungry. "Do you have any sauerkraut? Kendall can't get enough of the stuff."

"I don't think so," Heath laughs. "But I think we have a big jar of pickles. Don't pregnant people love pickles?"

"It's true," Kendall offers. Heath makes his way to the door to get refreshments.

"I'll help you." Logan follows him out. The two who stayed behind watch them until they hear the other's feet on the stairs.

"Is this terribly hard for you?" Nate asks, obviously picking up on the emo vibes Kendall put off.

"Harder than I could've imagined." The answer is honest and true. It seems Kendall's emotions grow along with his middle.

"You're doing the right thing. And I'm not just saying that since I'm so vested in this. A baby is hard on a young couple just starting out."

"A couple?"

"Yes, you and Logan," Nate replies.

"Oh," Kendall laughs, "we're not a couple. A couple of nuts, maybe."

"Really?" Nate is genuinely confused. He obviously knew about how this pregnancy happened. Why would he think Kendall and Logan were together?"

"Really," Kendall answers.

"You two just seem to know each other so well." Nate shakes his head. "Everything about you two, even your movements, just seem to complement one other. Like a dance."

"We've been best friends since we were eight," Kendall says. "And, of course, we're in the band together, so we  _do_ dance together a lot. It's probably from all of that."

Nate gives Kendall this knowing smirk, and Kendall doesn't like it, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"Are you sure that's it?" Nate asks.

"Yes, I'm sure," Kendall answers. And, yeah, Kendall is sure he's sure.

Kendall is sure he's sure, but his subconscious isn't, because after that day, Kendall dreams of Logan every night. And some dreams he's really not comfortable thinking about when he's awake.

~oOo~

Kendall is almost six months along when their "people" decide it's time for him to go into hiding. Logan really doesn't mind. With the hustle and bustle of California, it'll be nice to just be Kendall and Logan for awhile. It's been a long, long time since they were just Kendall and Logan.

Except it's hard the first week or two; Kendall is so very pregnant and moody. Florida is more humid than California, so Kendall keeps the house freezing. They have separate rooms here, which is odd since they've become so accustomed to being together. Logan is somewhat grateful though; he keeps a space heater going in his room to keep from falling into hypothermic shock. It still doesn't stop him from hearing Kendall getting up and down all night.

One night, Kendall calls out to Logan, and his voice is almost panicked. Though he's coming out of a dead sleep, Logan rushes to Kendall's room to find him sitting up, the lamp next to the bed clicked on. It doesn't take a genius to see Kendall is terrified.

"What is it, Ken?" Logan asks, moving to the bed and sitting on the edge, putting a comforting hand on Kendall's leg.

"I had a really bad dream." Kendall puts both hands on his stomach, and Logan doesn't have to ask what it was about.

"Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, but it wasn't real, okay? You should try to go back to sleep." Logan stands and adjusts Kendall's pillows as Kendall lies down on his side. He pushes a pillow under Kendall's stomach, one against his back and one between his knees.

"Better?" Logan asks. Kendall nods.

"Leave the light on?"

"Of course, I will." Logan brushes Kendall's hair back from his face, and Kendall closes his eyes. As Logan turns to leave, Kendall's hand encircles his wrist with a firm grip. Logan turns back to Kendall.

"Huh?" Logan takes in Kendall's eyes, now open again and full of pleading. "Okay, Ken. Okay. Move over a little?"

Logan scoots into bed behind Kendall, drapes an arm over his middle. The baby kicks under his hand as Kendall nestles in, the back of his head against Logan's chest. "Everything will be fine," Logan hums into Kendall's hair.

~oOo~

Several hours later, Logan wakes up. It's still dark outside, and Kendall is now behind him, their positions reversed from before. Logan is unsure what woke him until he hears Kendall groan and rut up against him.

Oh, god.

Logan feels Kendall's stomach against his back and  _something else_ poking him in the backside.

"Kendall," Logan whispers. All Kendall does is hum and rub against Logan again.

"Wake up, Kendall!" Logan shouts, trying to move away gently. Kendall only holds him tighter.

"Mmm, Logan," Kendall moans.

"Kendall, Kendall, KendallKendallKendall," Logan says, desperately trying to wake up his friend. Wait. Is Kendall having a sex dream about him?

Logan is able to roll over in Kendall's embrace. Though the light is low, he can still make out the sheen of sweat on Logan's brow, his pink lips full and swollen, parted as Kendall lets out a pant.

Kendall looks pretty hot like this. There's this second where Logan thinks of taking advantage of him, of pressing his lips against Kendall's, of taking some of Kendall's heat within himself.

Instead, in a much softer voice, he says, "Kendall?" this time giving Kendall's shoulders a gentle shake.

Kendall's eyes slit open, but only just. He closes them again. Logan can see him take a thick swallow.

"Listen, Logan," Kendall says, his voice full of sleep and something else. "I'm only going to ask you this once, and whatever your answer is, let's pretend I never asked it."

"Um, okay?"

"I need your help." Kendall's eyes are still closed, and Logan wants to know why Kendall won't look at him.

"Sure, yeah, you know I'll do anything I can to help," Logan answers, innocent and still clueless.

"I need your help," Kendall says again, finding Logan's hand and bringing it down between his legs, "with this." He firmly presses Logan's palm against his erection, groaning at the small pressure.

"Whoa!" Logan exclaims. This might be too much. Sure, Logan wants to help, but what the hell would this mean? He's freaking out, but doesn't remove his hand. In fact, he presses down a little harder, stifling his own groan when Kendall's brows furrow and he looks so  _pleasured._ "I don't know, Kendall, this is—"

"Please? I'm just so, so, so—"

"Sexually frustrated?" Logan offers.

"—horny."

"Yeah, um, that makes sense." Logan tries to pull his hand away, he really does, but Kendall is holding Logan's wrist and moving his hips against Logan's open palm.

"It's your fault I'm like this anyway," Kendall breathes, his cheeks reddening with arousal. "So you should take care of it."

"Kendall," Logan whines, and even though what Kendall says is true, it's not like Logan has planned on all this.

Kendall finally opens his eyes, his pupils dilated wide, the normally bright green of his iris dark with lust. "Please," Kendall begs again. Logan gives him a quick nod and begins palming Kendall's dick in earnest.

"It's just," Kendall pants, "really awkward to do this myself with my huge stomach."

As if. Logan knows awkward and  _this_ is definitely awkward.

"How's that?" Logan asks, closing his fist around Kendall as much as he can through the fabric of Kendall's pajamas. Kendall nods and thrusts his hips forward again. Logan stops what he's doing, and Kendall whimpers.

"Take off your clothes," Logan whispers, swallowing around the nervous, panicky feeling knotting his chest. And, god, he hopes they really can forget about this, because he doesn't want to ruin what he's had with Kendall since they were little kids. He thinks of James' words as he helps Kendall out of his pants, pulls his top over his head,  _you've loved him from the beginning._ Logan lets himself feel that love for a moment, and he pretends this is more than just getting Kendall off.

It makes it less awkward. It makes it less awkward when he runs the pads of his fingers over Kendall's chest, his stomach, his hips. It makes it less awkward when Kendall asks Logan to take off his own clothes too. "It seems weird if you don't," Kendall answers when Logan asks him why.

And it feels so good when Logan presses himself against Kendall, his skin on Kendall's, the heat rolling off him, Logan feeling it down to the very bottoms of his feet.

Logan pulls back to look Kendall over from head to toe, everything about him glowing in the soft, white lamp light.

"I'm disgusting," Kendall says, noticing the way Logan looks him up and down.

"But you're really not, Ken. You're beautiful."

Kendall still doesn't look at him, and it kills Logan to see Kendall Knight so unsure of himself. He tries not to think about what he's doing as he leans in to press his lips against Kendall's.

And it's like Kendall was waiting on Logan to do it, and Kendall throws himself into the kiss. He opens his mouth, finding Logan's tongue, a jolt of something more than lust flowing through them both. The kiss is just so personal, their faces pressed together, sharing breath after breath, more personal than Logan's fingers around Kendall's cock, more personal than Kendall's hands gripping Logan's hips.

_Why haven't we been doing this all along?_ Logan thinks, smiling against Kendall's mouth. He wonders if it's just him, or if this is changing something in Kendall as well.

Kendall breaks away to kiss Logan's throat, his chest.

"Hey, Logan?"

"Yeah, Kendall?" Logan answers, breathless.

"Um, uh, do you think you could finger me?" Logan freezes. Wow. He wasn't expecting that. It takes him a moment to realize  _where_ he would finger Kendall, and duh. He's just never let himself think of Kendall like this, some mental wall blocking him from it. It was never a possibility. Plus, it's unsanitary and he could hurt Kendall and what if he can't look Kendall in the eye again? But Kendall starts swirling his tongue around Logan's nipple and it feels  _so_ good that Logan thinks he'd probably put a cactus up his own ass if Kendall asked it. Which he really hopes Kendall doesn't.

Logan grunts something to the affirmative and asks Kendall—ohmygod, so embarrassing—if he has any sort of lubrication. He doesn't have anything made for this purpose, but he does have some of that cocoa butter lotion for stretch marks. It'll have to do.

Before Logan knows it, Kendall is clutching him tightly, his leg slung up over Logan's hip as Logan's slickened finger finds Kendall's entrance and slowly presses in. Logan can feel Kendall tense up around him, and he kisses Kendall's brow, his nose, settling on his lips. He tries to calm Kendall with the press of their mouths, tries to tell him without words to relax, to trust him, to let Logan take care of him. Kendall loosens and Logan starts moving his finger, searching out that spot he knows will make Kendall see stars.

Logan adds another finger alongside the first, and when he finds what he's looking for, Kendall lets a long, low moan fly from between his lips.

"Oh, god, more," Kendall groans, moving his hips and bearing down on Logan's fingers. Logan adds a third finger and thrusts in and out of Kendall until they are moving without resistance, pushing  _just_ right inside Kendall on almost every move. Logan reaches between them to grasp Kendall's dick and pump. He groans in relief when Kendall returns the favor. They're squished together and it's awkward and hot and sloppy, but there's nothing about it that doesn't thrill Logan to the core, this new part of himself set free, flying away.

"Fuck, Kendall."

"We should have sex," Kendall whispers against Logan's lips. His tongue sweeps across Logan's mouth, and Logan isn't sure he heard Kendall right until the other guy says, "I want you to fuck me."

Logan gets really nervous; he's never done this before, not with anyone, male or female, but he just can't say no to Kendall right now. Not when the heat of Kendall's hand is probably nothing compared to the heat inside his body.

"Okay," Logan says, kissing Kendall again, taking Kendall's lower lip between his teeth. He removes his fingers and sits up.

"I think this would probably be easier if you go on your hands and knees," Logan suggests, helping Kendall to sit up. Kendall almost seems disappointed, but he nods and turns around, looking over his shoulder at Logan once he's stilled.

Logan runs his hands up and down Kendall's spine, fills his palms with the flesh of Kendall's ass. He hums as he meets Kendall's stare; Kendall is so goddamn amazing and  _hot,_ his eyes full of need, his pink tongue peeking from between his lips. Logan gets even harder, his dick throbbing when he imagines plunging into Kendall.

"We have to do it this way because I'm fat, right?" Kendall asks.

"You're not fat," Logan replies, leaning down to kiss Kendall, grinding his cock between Kendall's cheeks. Logan straightens himself and lines his dick up with Kendall's opening. He presses in slowly, seeing yellow spots when Kendall's body squeezes around the head of his cock.

"You really don't think I'm fat?" Kendall asks again, breathing through the intrusion, closing his eyes against the budding pleasure.

"You're not fat, Kendall. You're having a baby." Logan presses in a little more, the urge to plunge all the way in near overwhelming.

"Holy shit, Logan, stop!" Kendall suddenly exclaims, moving forward until Logan's dick falls out of him. He scoots to the head board and turns around, leaning his back against it. "What about the baby?"

"Kendall, please, watch your language," Logan replies.

"You weren't saying that a few minutes ago," Kendall retorts and Logan's face flames.

Logan tries not to snap, because damn if he's not getting blue balls, and he moves to sit next to Kendall. "Why'd you want to stop?"

"What if the baby can see it?" Kendall whispers.

"See what?" Logan's lust addled brain can't seem to follow Kendall's train of thought. It's the first time Logan can ever remember feeling truly stupid.

"Your penis," Kendall says, voice so low and cautious that Logan laughs out loud. Kendall just continues to stare at him earnestly.

"You can't be serious." Logan stops laughing when he sees Kendall is  _totally_ serious.

"Can you imagine how scary that would be for her? Just to see this giant," he lowers his voice again, " _penis_ coming at her?"

"Kendall there's no way she can see it."

"How do you know? Do you remember being inside your mom?"

"But the baby is in a completely different part of your body—"

"I said, 'Do you remember being inside your mom?'" Kendall presses.

"Well, I, uh…" Kendall's eyebrows rise expectantly. "No. No, I don't," Logan answers, realizing trying to rationalize with a pregnant guy is going to get him nowhere.

"Just, let's not." At least he looks a little apologetic about it. "Here," he adds, wrapping his long fingers around Logan's flagging erection and pumping.

They both get to get off still, which Logan thinks is really cool, but he can't help but wonder afterwards if he's still a virgin.

~oOo~

They don't talk about it, just like Kendall made Logan promise, but Logan is starting to think they really,  _really_ need to talk about it. Logan starts "helping" Kendall almost every morning. And sometimes just before lunch. And sometimes after dinner. And, yeah, maybe he "helps" him before bedtime too.

Logan has slept with Kendall since that first night; it's nice, comfortable, being pressed against his overheated body. It makes him feel better about all the messing around as well, gives him some kind of use other than a willing hand or mouth. Logan appreciates, although Kendall is always burning up, he still snuggles into Logan.

The whole thing is making a fucked up situation just that much more fucked up.

It's not like Logan is excited to bring something up about the thing going on with them. It's like it's this secret in the bedroom (sometimes the back patio, the kitchen counter, maybe the couch) that when shown in the light of day becomes nothing but a dream, a memory. Logan is reluctant for that to happen. But how long can they keep this up? Soon, Kendall is going to have the baby, and they'll go back to California. Will things go back to the way they were before? It's not the worst idea in the world, but before Logan had no idea…

No idea what?

Logan decides he's going to have to bring it up. He's supposed to be an adult now, so he should handle this like one.

So he surprises Kendall with a cookout on the beach, complete with Kendall's favorite foods (favorite foods since he's been pregnant, anyway): sauerkraut, butternut squash, grilled PB&J and cheeseburgers. Logan is happy he can stand the smell long enough to make it all.

When Kendall smiles and gets excited about what Logan did, Logan feels that fluttery, nice feeling in his stomach. He feels as warm as Kendall's grin, and there's this huge sense of pride when they sit side by side in the sand, Kendall digging in.

The sun is sinking into the ocean quickly. Kendall looks to Logan, a small chuckle rumbling in his chest as he eats.

"What?" Logan returns the chuckle, albeit nervously. Kendall turns his face back to the ocean, breaking their eye contact. Logan takes the moment to appreciate Kendall's profile, his hair on fire with the rapidly departing, orange light. It seems the longer they are here, the farther along Kendall gets, the lovelier he becomes to Logan. Logan can't really blame it on the pregnancy anymore though, not since he's been allowed to touch Kendall, kiss him, hold him. It's his affection growing, making Kendall dearer to him with each passing moment, each hurried press of lips.

Kendall feels Logan looking at him and finally turns to meet his eyes. "This kind of feels like a date, Logie," Kendall says.

And, god, Logan gets scared and panicky when Kendall says the d-word, but he's relieved Kendall brought it up. He swallows down the fear and starts to cough when he chokes on his spit.

Kendall pats him on the back, full out laughing now, and hands Logan a drink. Logan takes a sip, calms his ragged coughs.

"Better?" Kendall asks, smirk still curling the corners of his mouth.

"Do you want this to be a date?" Logan requests.

"Do you want me to want it to be a date?"

They both sit in silence a few moments, wondering who will break first, still completely oblivious to what the other is thinking.

"This is silly, Logan. I just… This whole thing is so… I've never been so all over the place in my life. I never knew I could  _feel_ as much as I've felt over the last few months. I know I said I wanted you to forget about what we do, you know, when we're, um, together, and at the time, that's what I wanted. Because I was scared. I'm still scared." He pauses to take Logan's hand, stare at their interlocked fingers as though they look different with the light of day shining down on them. "But now I want to know… I  _need_ to know how you feel about me, Logan."

And then he moves close to Logan, noses almost touching, his hands moving to the side of Logan's face, cupping his cheeks. Logan has never seen Kendall look so vulnerable and full of frail hope. At least not directed toward Logan.

How does Logan feel? Isn't that the very question Logan has been pondering for weeks now? Logan might be a goddamn genius, but he's emotionally stupid. So he tries to explain the best he can. By speaking any thought which crosses his mind.

"I've been thinking about that a lot actually. You know I flub these kinds of things up, Kendall, so I hope you'll let me finish," Logan starts, moving Kendall's fingers from his cheeks and clutching Kendall's hands in his lap. He looks off into the ocean, as though the answer will wash ashore.

"You know how when you're a little kid, and you look at the sky, you think 'hey, the world is round and the sky seems to meet the Earth in a round way, so I must live in a dome'?" Kendall shakes his head. "No? Must've just been me. Anyway, I remember looking far away to where the sky seemed to meet the horizon and I thought that was all there was. I thought the world ended where the sky touched the Earth, just beyond where I could see. As I grew, I realized I could walk forever and never find that place where the sky and Earth met. There was just  _so_ much more to it. Make sense?" Kendall nods.

"When my mom explained it to me, I was so afraid. If there's that much world, how would I ever see it all? How would I find where I was supposed to be? But then I realized, I don't have to go everywhere and see everything. I just have to be where I'm happy. It doesn't matter  _where_  that is. And that's how I feel about you."

"What?"

"That's how I feel about you. I've known you forever, Kendall, and I always took my feelings for you at face value without thinking about it any deeper. I didn't know there were possibilities. I didn't let myself consider any. The point is, there's more to you—to me and you—than I ever knew, even though I know now, and I think you do now too, there is."

"So what are you saying, Logan?" Kendall asks, moving in even closer to Logan, his words expelled tickling Logan's lips.

"I'm saying, I love you," Logan replies, and he hadn't planned on saying that, hadn't really even thought it, but the moment the words pass through his lips he knows they're true.

"That's what I thought." Then Kendall kisses him, and it's more than any of the other kisses put together. It tastes like a smile, like sauerkraut, like joy and forever. It's not rushed or heated or lust-filled. It's everything Logan tries to say but can't.

~oOo~

Kendall's due date is two weeks away. He and Logan sit, curled together on the couch, waiting on the doctor to make a house call.

"I'm so tired of being pregnant," Kendall whines, leaning forward so Logan can rub his back. His feet are propped on the coffee table, swollen ankles peeking from the hems of his pajamas. There's been no talking him into putting on real clothes in the last month. Not that any of them fit now anyway. Kendall hates looking down and being unable to see his feet. He often wonders how women handle doing this two, three, maybe four times in their lives. He'll never take his mom for granted again.

"Just a little longer now." Logan presses hard against Kendall's lower back, the taller guy moaning.

"Don't make noises like that," Logan requests, chuckling against Kendall's throat before peppering it with kisses.

"Will you still love me when we're back to normal?" Kendall blurts.

"What kind of question is that?" Logan moves his arms around Kendall, rests them on his heavily pregnant stomach. "I'll love you matter what."

"Even if my stretch marks don't go away?"

"Even then."

Kendall sighs, covers Logan's hands with his own. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"I'll miss this a little. Being here with you. Being pregnant. I'll miss  _her_ ," Kendall whispers. Neither of them have talked about it, mentioned the separation out loud. Doing so brings it to harsh reality. "I'm not really even scared about the birth anymore." As though she knows she is being mentioned, the baby wiggles and kicks.

"I can see your stomach moving," Logan laughs, pulling Kendall's shirt up to expose the mound of his stomach. "Look." And they both stare as Kendall's stomach moves like a wave, kicks and twitches, elbows and knees.

"Ouch," Kendall moans. "You need to chill out, little baby, you're hurting Da—"

They both go completely quiet and still, the word so close to being spoken, so close and so far from actuality.

"It's like on  _Alien,_ " Logan says, unable to stand the tension. Kendall smiles and turns his head to the side, pressing his lips to Logan's.

"I love you," Kendall says, and he really, really means it. Not like he did when he said it to Jo, not like how he thought he felt about Lucy.

They grin at each other long moments as the baby settles down.

There's a knock on the door, and Logan slides from behind Kendall to go answer it.

"Hey, Doc," Logan greets.

"Logan! How's it going?"

"Great! Come on in."

Dr. B seems ridiculously young, but when Logan's curiosity finally got the better of him, he had been surprised to find he was almost fifty. An expert in his field, he was used to seeing odd cases. None so odd as this one, but still. He's handled the entire situation with ease and kindness.

The two find Kendall already lying on flat on the couch. "Poke me, Doc," Kendall exclaims, full dimples on his cheeks.

"Kendall, how are you feeling?" Dr. B asks, moving to kneel next to Kendall. Since they've been in Florida, the guys have only had to visit Dr. B's office twice, and for that, they are extremely grateful. They got some odd looks the times they did go in.

"I'm tired. And hungry. And sore, achy, ouchy and swollen. Other than that, I'm great," Kendall chimes, the doctor measuring his stomach.

Dr. B laughs. "Anything new this week?"

"Not really. She's been moving around less, but the times she does move hurt more."

"That tends to happen when a baby gets close to delivery. Not as much room for somersaults, I'm afraid." Dr. B gets out his Fetal Doppler and squeezes that cold gel crap onto Kendall's stomach. It's only a moment before the sound of her heartbeat fills the room. Dr. B's brow furrows as he looks at the instrument. He easily schools his expression, shuts off the machine and wipes Kendall's stomach with a tissue.

"Everything alright, Doc?" Kendall asks.

"Guess what you get to do today!" Dr. B exclaims, holding out his arms as though he's offering a huge ass cardboard check for a million dollars.

"What?" both boys say in unison.

"Have a baby!"

~oOo~

They have a ton of security guys from who knows where escort them to the hospital, keeping them closed off from any wandering eyes. The ride there seems long, ridiculously so, and Logan is trying his best not to freak out.

Kendall notices.

"It's all going to be fine," Logan says, squeezing Kendall's hand so hard his knuckles turn white.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Kendall laughs.

"Good question. Oh, we need to call Nate and Heath!" Logan says. "Do you want to give the good news or should I?"

"Put them on speaker."

The phone only rings once when Nate answers. "H-hello? Kendall? Logan? Is it happening?"

"Yep, sure it," Kendall says. "I'm having your baby today."

"Heath!" Nate practically screams. "Get the bags! We're going to Florida! Ohmygod."

"Hey, Nate, are you excited?" Logan asks, resisting the urge to laugh out loud, the joy undulating from the phone infectious.

"Yes! We'll be there soon, guys. Good luck, Kendall!" They hear some fumbling with the phone, a few more  _ohmygod_ s coming through before the call disconnects.

"It's a good thing we're doing here," Kendall says, scooting even closer to Logan, if that were a possible thing.

They don't say anything else, only cling to each other and think about what they're leaving behind.

~oOo~

Once Kendall is prepped and numb from the waist down, it's only minutes before they put up a curtain so Kendall can't see the gore below his chest. Logan wants to look so bad, but Kendall asks him to stay with him, stay close to his face, hold his hand.

There's this hushed moment when the doctor's are silent, the instruments aren't being moved, and Logan holds his breath. The quiet is only broken by a tiny, shrill cry, and Kendall lets out a sigh, a laugh, a choked sob. Logan leans down to kiss away the tears until he realizes he is only adding to them.

"It's a girl. Do you want to see her?" Dr. B asks over the wails. Kendall and Logan look at each other, both waiting on the other to answer.

"I need to know now, boys. This placenta needs to come out and that's the tricky part." Kendall nods.

"Cut the cord, Logan?"

"Uh, yeah, yes, I'd love to." And Logan sees her for the first time, bright red and covered in baby goo, but he sees his nose there, Kendall's chin. He wonders how in the world they're supposed to hand her over when she's so very much  _theirs,_ maybe not made by love but born into it.

"Logan?" Dr. B prods. Logan snaps out of it, cuts her cord and takes her in his arms. He brings her to Kendall and she opens her eyes, dark blue.

Kendall says, "I think they'll be brown," and Logan nods. Kendall puts his arms around her, kisses her tiny forehead.

"Hi, baby." She grips Kendall's finger in her fist, sticks out her miniscule tongue. "She's so perfect," Kendall observes, and he's crying hard now, trying not to and failing.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I have to proceed now. Nurse?" Dr. B says, and one of the ladies in the room takes the baby away.

Logan goes back to holding Kendall's hand, smattering random kisses across his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his eyes. And it's so much neither of them can hold it in.

Kendall starts to bleed. A lot. But they had anticipated this so they are ready. The bad part is, Kendall passes out and they make Logan leave the room.

So he's sent to wait. Wait and think.

~oOo~

Later on, Logan sits by Kendall's bed and waits on him to wake up. He's fine, three units of blood and dozens of stitches later. He's a little broken, but he'll get better. He always does.

As Kendall wakes, Logan moves closer, takes his hand. "Logan?" He's groggy, hands immediately going to his, now deflated, stomach. His face shifts into an expression so painful, Logan can't help but crawl into bed next to him, gently tugging Kendall into his arms.

"She okay?" Kendall asks, his voice quiet and rough.

"She's fine. Better than fine. Clean bill of health. Dr. B said she had one of the best Apgar scores he's ever seen."

"D-did Nate and Heath get here yet?"

"Yes," Logan answers simply.

"What did they name her?"

"Juliet."

Kendall laughs. "Hopeless romantics, those two."

"I know right?"

"I love it," Kendall says, rolling over to face Logan.

"Me too."

"Logan, do you think… I mean, would we be able, to, you know…keep her, maybe?" Kendall asks, and Logan knows this isn't what Kendall needs.

"Kendall, you'll have your time to be a dad, the right time. And you'll be amazing and perfect and fun. The time just isn't now, and I know you know that." Logan pushes Kendall's hair from his face, kisses the tears seeping from the corners of his eyes.

Kendall nods. "I know, I know. I just didn't know it would hurt this much." He buries his face against Logan's chest, the sound of his sobs filling the room, echoing off the corners. After several moments, he goes quiet.

"You're the pregnant one next time," Kendall says, and he actually laughs.

Logan lifts Kendall's chin, presses a sweet kiss against his lips, sweat and sorrow flavoring Kendall's mouth. "As if," Logan answers. "We're finding a surrogate."

Kendall gives Logan a frail smile. "Hey, does this mean we're gay?"

Logan can't help the boisterous laugh that escapes him. "Does it matter?"

"No, I guess not." He snuggles into Logan's chest again. "But, are you gay?"

"I don't know, Kendall. Maybe."

"Because you sure seemed gay a few days ago when I had my dick in your—"

"Shut up, Kendall."

And, in that moment, they both know they've grown up.

~oOo~

Kendall forwards the picture message to Logan.  _Juliet's first adventure with solid food_ the caption reads, the picture featuring a beautiful brown-eyed, dark haired baby smiling, covered in something green. Kendall chuckles at the spoon hanging from her mouth.

It turns out, Nate is Griffin's nephew. Crazy, right? He looked so familiar because he'd been at some of their functions before. It makes it easy to stay in touch.

When Juliet was born, Kendall wasn't sure if he'd be able to have anything to do with her, thinking the pain of separation would always be sharp as a knife in his back. It's quite the opposite. Each picture he receives, each letter, each visit to the playground heals him a little bit more. It's the same for Logan, Kendall is sure.

"Awww," Logan coos when he sees the picture. "She's so adorable. Oh, I can't wait to visit again."

"She looks just like you, Logie."

"Whatever. She has your dimples," Logan retorts.

"We both have dimples."

"No shit?"

"Ooh, you'll pay for that one, Mitchell!" Kendall exclaims, launching himself onto the couch Logan sits, tickling him into submission.

"You know what?" Logan asks.

"What?" Kendall replies.

"Being grown up isn't so bad."

"How do you figure that?" Kendall props his chin on Logan's chest. Logan's eyes move across his face, memorize each dimple, scar and freckle as though Kendall might disappear any moment.

"I get to make  _sweet_ love to my boyfriend whenever I want," Logan says, wagging his eyebrows while speaking the cheesy statement. Kendall laughs, digging his chin into Logan's sternum, the other boy wincing at the pain.

"Oh, really?" Kendall mocks. "Show me?"

"I'd love to."

So Logan does.


End file.
